Miscellaneous

By mrs14 - 11/09/2012 02:04 - United States

Today, I spent five minutes sitting in my car, panicking and tearing my purse apart because I couldn't find my keys. I then found them. They were in the ignition, and the car was running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 480

You deserved it 31 233

By CaptainSaveAHoe - 11/09/2012 00:42 - United States - Manteca

Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 949

You deserved it 2 652

CaptainSaveAHoe tells us more.

CaptainSaveAHoe 11

Wednesday 12 September 2012 2:11

so I planned for her to slip so I could mug her? the amount of logic in this comment is astounding.

PLEASE STOP

By Anonymous - 10/09/2012 14:14 - United States - Puyallup

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 828

You deserved it 2 473

By Anonymous - 09/09/2012 21:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 306

You deserved it 2 402

By Can't Win - 09/09/2012 15:01 - United States - Palatine

Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 109

You deserved it 6 570

By anonymous - 09/09/2012 06:15 - United States

Today, I tripped over my dog and landed on my face while trying to prove to my father that I can walk and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 305

You deserved it 26 049

On yer bike!

By crabmunch15 - 09/09/2012 05:38 - United States - Victorville

Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 913

You deserved it 10 996

Geography major

By dating a fucking idiot - 08/09/2012 19:16 - United States

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 920

You deserved it 13 922

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 449

You deserved it 2 094

By scumbag i guess - 08/09/2012 00:26 - United States - El Paso

Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 895

You deserved it 53 533

By poopexperttt - 07/09/2012 07:12 - United States

Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 575

You deserved it 2 455

Confused

By ohhhemmgee - 06/09/2012 06:39 - United States - Reno

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 769

You deserved it 29 458

Relaxing

By juliannamelissa - 06/09/2012 06:38 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I wanted to take a bubble bath with the jets in the bath that I haven't used in years. When I got in, it took me a while to realize that the jets had squirted out slime and a family of unidentifiable bugs that have probably been living there for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 327

You deserved it 9 616

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 942

You deserved it 2 898

By anonymous - 05/09/2012 16:25 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 689

You deserved it 2 580

The candidate

By anonymous - 05/09/2012 13:51 - Australia - Mittagong

Today, I had to give a speech as part of my campaign for school captain. I was rather happy with it and so I told another candidate my speech. Apparently it was a good idea as minutes later that same candidate stole my entire speech, leaving me looking like a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 948

You deserved it 37 831

By holymoly - 05/09/2012 06:12 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear…" they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 521

You deserved it 1 986

By Gigi - 05/09/2012 04:29 - United States

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 637

You deserved it 30 777

By CantPublish - 04/09/2012 22:02 - United States

Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 945

You deserved it 24 659

Heartless

By Anonymous - 04/09/2012 17:26 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 412

You deserved it 58 921

By Becoming a commuter. - 04/09/2012 17:14 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 942

You deserved it 2 117

By UnknownOperation - 04/09/2012 13:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 753

You deserved it 3 989

By Cherrish it - 04/09/2012 04:24 - United States - Carmichael

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 608

You deserved it 58 920

By Anonymous - 04/09/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 488

You deserved it 4 447

By weave9z - 04/09/2012 02:08 - Canada - Montreal

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 207

You deserved it 3 168

Weird pick up line, but OK

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 17:16 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 389

You deserved it 33 141

By Tyler - 03/09/2012 09:37 - Australia - Killara

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 245

You deserved it 1 985

By Anonymous - 03/09/2012 08:47 - United States - Evansville

Today, I met my husband's family for the first time. My nightmare versions were better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 820

You deserved it 2 933

By fuck yuo - 01/09/2012 20:50 - Canada - Saint John's

Today, my clumsiness has reached such legendary proportions in my family, that when I visited my grandparents, I found they'd put stickers all over their glass doors, so I wouldn't have "yet another painful accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 559

You deserved it 5 128

By Chucho - 01/09/2012 13:58 - United States - Boston

Today, my mom told me that she'd rather wait for the city bus all day than allow me to give her a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 610

You deserved it 3 656

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I’m 24 and apparently going back to school and working a minimum wage job is still considered less than the bare minimum. It sounds like something off the internet. However, people’s actions speak even louder than their words. Sorry I wasn’t given everything or blessed with good looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 153

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 660

You deserved it 48 887

Today, in a misguided attempt to earn my asshole dad's approval I went to university to get my business degree and took over the family restaurant. Now I have all the stress of managing the restaurant, he has retired and is moving abroad. Oh, and he still isn’t proud of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 307

Today, I was at the airport to pick up my mother since my baby is due soon. As she arrived, I smiled wide and opened my arms for a hug, but she walked right by me. Apparently, being pregnant makes me unrecognizable. My husband and I had to tell it her was me, her own daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 272

You deserved it 3 020

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because, she says, I have diabetes and she can’t handle the complications that may occur in the future. This after I arranged for her to take trip to Italy to ride horses, which has been on her bucket list for like 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 165

Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 571

You deserved it 2 164