App

FMyLife

search






FMyLife FMyLife
search
​



    : 320



    Help!

    Anonymous - 19/03/2025 03:00 - United States

    Today, I went about pet-proofing my house because my new kitten is exploring every nook and cranny. I locked up everything dangerous. Then, while trying to put a safety lock on the pantry/cold room, I managed to lock myself inside. I had to yell for my roommate to let me out. FML
    191
    382
      

    Monday monday

    Anonymous - 24/03/2025 12:00 - United States

    Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML
    340
    130
      

    Meritocracy is real?

    Anonymous - 28/03/2025 07:00 - Singapore - Singapore

    Today, our assistant principal (of the elementary section) proposed a plan in which he would also take over our pre-school division. He's a totally unqualified teacher, but he got his position through cronyism. Now, he'll try to destroy my division as well, through his incompetence. FML
    407
    60
      

    Da ba dee da ba di

    Embarassed - 07/04/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

    Today, I was in a meeting when my phone suddenly rang. I'd forgotten to silence it, but it wasn’t just any ringtone, it was "I'm Blue" by Eiffel 65. It played for 30 seconds while everyone stared at me rushing to retrieve it from my bag on the other side of the room and turn it off. The worst part? That fucking song is still stuck in my head, and it's been hours. FML
    88
    441
      

    I hate shopping

    Kelly - 11/04/2025 00:00 - United States - Seattle

    Today, I tried a polo neck sweater on at a store, and when I tried to take it off, it got stuck halfway over my head. I panicked and tugged harder, only to realize I was now stuck inside, unable to get it off. A store employee finally saw me struggling and came help me. I'm never going back there again. FML
    186
    107
      

    Stay out of trouble, kids

    Anonymous - 14/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Atlanta

    Today, I complimented a woman on her "beautiful pregnancy glow" at the grocery store. She wasn’t pregnant. She was holding a melon. I’ve never backed out of a conversation so fast in my life. Note to self: Don't go grocery shopping after a night of drinking and no sleep. FML
    34
    732
      

    Welcome!

    Annoyed - 27/04/2025 00:00 - Canada

    Today, I invited a friend over for dinner and spent hours preparing a fancy meal. When I opened the door, he walked in with his new girlfriend, his mom, his sister, and his dog. I barely had enough food for one, let alone five. I ended up serving my fancy meal on paper plates. FML
    507
    81
      

    Probably a Monday

    Anonymous - 28/04/2025 11:00 - United States - Seattle

    Today, running late for work, I ran outside and the door handle literally broke off my vehicle when I pulled to open it. I climbed in through the passenger door, turned on my car, and the windshield wipers were on… swiping a fresh $78 parking ticket across my windshield. FML
    364
    136
      

    Should be safe… right?

    Anonymous - 30/04/2025 15:00 - Ireland - Cork

    Today, a friend invited me over for dinner. She presented me with a "gourmet" homemade meal. As I started eating, I realized it tasted… off. She looked at me expectantly, so I politely ate it all. Afterwards, she told me it was a new recipe she was trying "tuna casserole" made with canned tuna… which we found out later expired in 2015. FML
    472
    101
      

    Deadline

    ToxicFamily - 02/05/2025 09:00 - Germany - Porta Westfalica

    Today, I have a good job that I like and excites me. I screwed up by bluffing my updates on an ongoing task. Now I think my manager is onto me, as he wants me to give a presentation about my current work. I have to complete 10 days of work over this weekend. FML
    74
    992
      

    Great party

    Anonymous - 05/05/2025 22:00 - United States - Seattle

    Today, I attended a party, thinking it was hosted by my friend. I showed up, mingled, had some drinks, and even played a couple of games. After about an hour, my friend called me and asked where I was. I'd crashed the wrong party. Everyone there was nice about it, but now I can never show my face there again. FML
    384
    212
      

    Button fever

    i hate it - 09/05/2025 12:00 - United States - Fresno

    Today, I had a conference call with a client. I was feeling confident and had been preparing all morning. Right in the middle of my presentation, I hit the wrong button, and my webcam feed turned into a close-up of my face, which had a giant zit right in the middle of my forehead. The client didn’t say anything, but I could see their eyes glued to it. FML
    324
    203
      

    Gotcha

    Anonymous - 14/05/2025 13:00 - United States

    Today, my leasing office called to inform me that we will be receiving an eviction notice. After further communication into why, I found out that I’m not being evicted, but my girlfriend of six years is, because she got caught doing the dirty with someone in the apartment gym restroom. FML
    488
    105
      

    How bizarre…

    Jenn03 - 21/05/2025 18:00 - United States

    Today, my boyfriend, best friend, and another friend went out in my boyfriend’s new car. I was connecting my phone to his Bluetooth so we could play music. I saw my best friend’s phone in the list. He bought the car two days ago. Their avoidant reactions and my boyfriend trying to change the subject said it all. FML
    614
    94
      

    Sexy moves

    Anonymous - 23/05/2025 19:00

    Today, my boyfriend tried to pull down my panties with his teeth but it proved more difficult than he thought, so he got a real good mouthful and gave it a really hard pull. They did come down, but he also pulled out what felt like half my pubes. FML
    394
    165
      

    Scaffolding?

    NervousDog - 25/05/2025 08:00 - United States

    Today, I spent most of the day with my stinkiest co-worker's soggy shoes level with my face. FML
    363
    75
      

    Home sweet home

    Hungry dad - 27/05/2025 03:00 - United States - New York

    Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML
    505
    129
      

    Not the time to get distracted

    Lost Reggie - 28/05/2025 20:00 - United States - Vilonia

    Today, after a tearful weekend of burying my best friend, I stopped for gas on my way home. I got distracted by a guy next to me who was acting strange. I unknowingly filled my car with Diesel. It cost over $1000 to tow home, and I can't even get it looked at until Tuesday. FML
    395
    295
      

    Fed up, leave me alone

    Anonymous - 03/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, fed up with humans, I'd booked four weeks in a cottage 200 miles away from anyone I know. I’ve only been here a week when I got a knock on the door. It was my brother, his snobby wife, and three screaming kids, because he was sure I’d be lonely by now. They booked a hotel five minutes away, for two weeks. FML
    646
    115
      

    Self-sabotage

    ToxicSelf - 05/06/2025 03:00 - Germany - Berlin

    Today, I'm ruining my own life by being incredibly lazy at my new job. It scares me, as my family is dependent on my income, and I love this job too. Why am I always on self-destruct mode? I really want to snap out of it and be hardworking like so many others I know (including my husband). FML
    196
    468
      

    "Boredom is a disease worse than cancer, drugs cure it." - Doug Stanhope

    Anonymous - 10/06/2025 03:00 - United States - Seattle

    Today, after two years of chronic usage, I’m 26 days sober off weed. About 2 months off nicotine. One year off psychedelics. But I’m more bored, lonely, sad, and frustrated than ever. Connections scares me as much as I crave them, and what connections I do make barely scratch the surface. I'm doing my best but it feels the worst. FML
    432
    146
      

    Sticky

    Anonymous - 13/06/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

    Today, it's been a few days since I had surgery, which means I can’t wash my hair myself for a couple of weeks. Today I paid to have it washed professionally… then proceeded to spill liquid glucose all over the ends of my hair. FML
    303
    124
      

    The bloat

    Oral fixation maybe? - 15/06/2025 13:00 - United States

    Today, I realized I need to cut back on drinking. Not booze, but water. I compulsively drink so much water that my body is bloated from water absorption and I have to pee constantly. FML
    149
    296
      

    Depends how old you are

    SocialSuicide - 17/06/2025 08:00 - United States

    Today, after I met a guy online and we'd became fast friends, talking every day about everything, things got flirty after half a year of talking. A year in, I finally got the time to meet up with him. It turns out he lied about his age. He's 8 years younger and in college. I fell head over heels. Help. FML
    230
    349
      

    Small talk

    Marina - 21/06/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom - Bolton

    Today, I was in bar and got talking to a guy next to me, who turned out to be American, which is quite exotic in my part of the UK. During the conversation, he mentioned being a vet, so I went on a long tangent about my cat's diarrhoea and asked him for advice. He let me babble on for ages before smiling and saying, "Not that kind of vet." FML
    230
    517
      

    The Voice

    Barney - 22/06/2025 22:00 - Canada - Thunder Bay

    Today, I was alone in the kitchen doing the dishes, and I started singing along to my favorite song when it came on my playlist. However, unbeknownst to me, my neighbors were having a barbecue next door, and they cheered and applauded when I'd finished. I’m never singing again. FML
    317
    180
      

    Numerophobia

    Anonymous - 26/06/2025 12:00 - Switzerland - Bern

    Today, my coworkers quietly ditched the project I spent months working on, because typing in numbers into a website "is too hard." Our boss is out, so I have no recourse. Why do I bother? These people hate numbers. FML
    357
    79
      

    Corporate stooge

    Anonymous - 29/06/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I had to tell a bald cancer patient that no, having cancer did not entitle her to a 100% discount on coffee. I felt like a douche for saying it, but I work at a well known coffee franchise and I’m not losing my job because someone wants free coffee, no matter how ill they are. FML
    517
    91
      

    Never say never

    Haley - 03/07/2025 10:00 - Canada - Halifax

    Today, I’ve become obsessed with Fortnite, like, all I think about is Fortnite. Since Fortnite came out, I'd always said, “That’s such a bad game, it’s so stupid, I’m never playing that.” Now, it’s June 2025, I only started playing in March of this year, and I’ve even become better than my boyfriend who’s been playing for years. FML
    102
    451
      

    Where is it?

    Anonymous - 07/07/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, because my brother is a brain-dead moron, he let my ex into my house with his spare key so she could “just grab something.” I am now obsessively checking my entire house because last time she got in she put itching powder on every fabric item. Clothes, beds, carpets, towels, pillows, and rugs. FML
    518
    101
      
    • 89
    • 90
    • 91
    • 92
    • 93
    • 94
    • 95
    • 96
    • 97
    • 98

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML
    14 981
    992
    Today, my parents took me out to eat. When the bill came, they stared at me for a while before asking, “Aren’t you gonna pay?” They've never made me pay before, there was no indication that I’d have to pay this time, and I’d left my wallet at home. FML
    1 268
    259
    Today, there’s been birds nesting in my wall since mid winter. They’ve recently started scratching at the wall as if they wanted to get through. This morning, they made their entrance. FML
    1 523
    288
    Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML
    76 334
    16 700
    Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML
    11 539
    2 337
    Today, my parents couldn’t keep it civil long enough to get through my wedding without causing a massive scene. My wife was so upset, she got through the “I do’s” then left crying without waiting for the photos, so now we don’t have an official wedding album, just poor quality Facebook pictures. FML
    1 205
    149

    © VDM SAS,

    ​