Today, I accidentally shaved part of my eyebrow. It now looks like I'm trying to raise one without moving the other. FML
Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML
Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML
Today, my PE teacher was yelling at me because I got exhausted too quickly. As we neared the end of the exercise, he declared, "I will let y'all go early if [my name] doesn't give up halfway through this part." With all of the pressure on me, I forced myself to keep going. Then I promptly collapsed. FML
Today, I realized that I’m undateable because of my weight. I’m 33. My entire life, I’ve always been dated in secret, guys went out with me to make fun of me behind my back, always got cheated on, always get friendzoned, etc. It’s not fair that I have to change my body type to get my chance at happily ever after. FML
Today, I was at Universal Studios. Beetlejuice said to me, "Glad to see they're letting the Weasleys out of Harry Potter Land!" I'm a redhead. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that the reason I don't want to stay overnight at his house is because I still occasionally wet the bed. FML
Shave the other side. Pretend to be constantly surprised.
I can do that without shavin em