Intimacy: Good catch - FML

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

agreeclassic 21 597

vote type 1 91 053

End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

agreeclassic 38 139

vote type 1 8 918

Protip

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

agreeclassic 12 424

vote type 1 73 626

Not a cheating!

By Notcheating - 03/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML

agreeclassic 4 294

vote type 1 492

Dad jokes!

By Chels - 11/05/2011 05:17 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

agreeclassic 68 573

vote type 1 5 335

By accident - 14/02/2014 22:41 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

agreeclassic 61 085

vote type 1 5 838

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

agreeclassic 39 535

vote type 1 2 906

Code of silence

By nean83 - 12/01/2013 05:11 - United States - Inglewood

Spicy

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

agreeclassic 24 522

vote type 1 39 923

By NotSoComfortable - 17/12/2015 09:10 - Italy - Pontecchio Polesine

Spicy

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

agreeclassic 27 858

vote type 1 2 433

By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Spicy

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

agreeclassic 40 255

vote type 1 4 260

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 13:46

Spicy

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

agreeclassic 44 191

vote type 1 4 065

Next

TOP COMMENTS

livewire1701 8

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

Your dad is awesome!

YakuzaxGeneralz 9

Friday 18 March 2011 8:08

it's not like they were cemented to the table. stop being lazy and pick them up. youre not hiding a sex swing.

Comments

jessicajellybean 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 9:55

hahahahahahaha! and why would you be ashamed of such a beautiful thing? (meaning sex, not condoms)

vettle 6

Saturday 19 March 2011 16:19

why do you have condoms on the table? put them away and stop being a slob.

Santamonica17289 5

Saturday 19 March 2011 16:29

Aww :/ I wouldn't want my father seeing those either..

hsmith1996 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 17:10

your dad didn't say that to you liar

jmart110 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 18:50

You're married and still using condoms? Wtf. Who does that?!

toriluva 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 22:13

omg um so whut u can do whut u want GOSH!!! lmfao

buddy332 0

Saturday 19 March 2011 23:00

hey anyone wanna **** me?

sammy259 3

Sunday 20 March 2011 2:04

man I would laugh at my parents if they talked to me like that

dpfloot 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 5:43

Ever thought of getting a prescription from the doctor instead of using those things? You're married!

gman92hoyos 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 6:26

lol

6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, my self-esteem has gotten so low that when I was out walking my boss's dog and someone called out, "Beautiful!" I assumed they were talking about the dog. They had to clarify they were speaking about me. FML

agreeclassic 950

vote type 1 173

Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML

agreeclassic 26 049

vote type 1 2 695

Today, our stupid pediatrician gave an anal suppository for our toddler's consistent tummy ache. She is NEVER constipated and passes stools regularly twice a day. Guess who had to hold down a 3-year-old and put in the medicine - which did not help with the tummy ache. I can't live with myself now. FML

agreeclassic 1 156

vote type 1 380

Today, I had an upset stomach. I lay down in bed with a bucket nearby just in case. Later on, the urge to vomit overcame me, and I puked into the bucket. I realised too late that my cat had chosen to sleep in it. He jumped out and spread vomit all over my apartment. FML

agreeclassic 43 271

vote type 1 5 562

Today, I was sitting at the computer when this really annoying fly kept landing on the keyboard. After a while, I took the bottom of a pen and squished it. Twenty minutes later I absentmindedly started chewing at the bottom of the pen. FML

agreeclassic 16 278

vote type 1 62 352

Today, my boyfriend informed me that to save money, he's been using the same condom for the last month. FML

agreeclassic 56 084

vote type 1 6 406