Your everyday life stories

Hairy Beast - 13/05/2016 00:54 - United States - Marlborough

Today, I realized that I have a lot of arm hair when I found a piece of lint stuck in it. Oh and by the way I'm a girl. FML

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wedding - 13/05/2016 00:36 - United States - Riverside

Today, i went to a wedding. I was the only one who sat alone. FML

Ideserve54321 - 13/05/2016 00:22 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, I looked in the mirror and realized that I'm old enough to have wrinkles on my forehead, but not old enough to have free of acne. FML

Sugarpippy - 12/05/2016 20:58 - United States - Huron

Today my dad forced me to stay afterschool to get my grades up. The session ends at 4PM and its 5 now. I think he just wanted the house to himself. FML

Hadtogo - 12/05/2016 20:53 - United States - Seattle

Today, after being constipated for three days, I finally got to go. It is also the day I found out that the auto air freshener in the bathroom will send me into a sneezing fit if it goes off while I'm in there. On the bright side I'm pretty cleared out, I just can't sit down anymore. FML

slothstronaught - 12/05/2016 20:43 - United States - Schofield

Today, I discovered that the most expensive sandwich on our menu costs more than I make an hour... it's only 7 dollars. FML

Zalerium - 12/05/2016 20:06 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had an important presentation. Since half the audience were much older I decided to use a wide vocabulary and tried to make it look as professional as I could. I was accused of plagiarism. FML

geethanks - 12/05/2016 18:51 - Belgium - Berchem

Today, my girlfriend woke up next to me. She felt my face, opened her eyes and said "Damn, it's you." before turning around and falling asleep again. FML

DMV customer - 12/05/2016 18:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at the dmv, I have gotten there early and received a number to wait in line. After waiting 4 hours, I asked why my number was not called yet. "Oh I'm sorry, we are not using this letter today." FML

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Junepo - 12/05/2016 18:17 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I realized that my love life has reached an all time low when I made a pocket pussy out of two stuffed animals and a latex glove. FML.

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NuneTheConqueror - 12/05/2016 18:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, is the day I accept defeat. It took me 4 days to load around 500 files to a client's share network. On top of other time sensitive deliverables. That was last month. Today the client tells me they 'lost them' and if I wouldn't mind just reloading them all again. FML

Atrain55 - 12/05/2016 18:08 - United States

Today, I was driving my brand new car and the radio turned off and the dashboard stopped working I haven't even had the car for 48 hours FML

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Warehouse Outcast - 12/05/2016 17:51 - United States - Loma Linda

Today, I was called into the front office of my warehouse so I could finally find out the results of an extensive interview process for an assistant management position. I was told that I wasn't getting the job because everyone hates me. FML

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unluckyswipe - 12/05/2016 17:48 - United States

Today, I was peering over the shoulder of a cute boy just as he left swiped me on Tinder. FML

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Anonymous - 12/05/2016 17:46 - Finland

Today, I found out my fiance has pictures of him on a nudist gallery online. Of both his face and his junk. And he's "looking for company". I think I know now why he's been making up excuses for not setting a wedding date. FML

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Saraishi - 12/05/2016 17:43 - Portugal - Set?bal

Today, I saw new pulmonologist for my asthma. I complained that my SOS inhaler gave me tachycardia, which in turn triggered my anxiety and so I wanted to replace it with another one. She replied "Oh, you poor dear." and told me to get more sun because i was too pale. FML

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shameful poisoning - 12/05/2016 17:24 - United States - Swansea

Today, is day two of food poisoning. My very loving girlfriend came over to take care of me and comfort me. I shit my pants while she was cuddling me. FML

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Le_ponderer - 12/05/2016 17:23 - Nigeria

"Today, I started a pillow fight with my niece on the bed. She stepped back to make a run at me, missed a step and fell off the edge; smacking her head on the floor. The nurses at the hospital won't stop glaring at me. FML".

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Pianogirl1987 - 12/05/2016 17:19 - Netherlands - Heerlen

Today, I realised I get depressed every time I get an orgasm. FML

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Sissy_bear - 12/05/2016 17:07 - United States - Brandon

Today, on my third day of work at a pizza joint. I told a caller I was new and asked him if he could repeat his order because he said way to fast. He got mad and "tsked" me and ended the call. 2mins later he called again I said my greeting. And he said "let me talk to someone else noob".FML

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archerority - 12/05/2016 17:06 - United States - Cypress

Today, was the end of my girlfriend and I's trip to Disney World, or should I say ex-girlfriend since I proposed to her the way she said she dreamed of being proposed too, even though I hate Disney, only to then being rejected since she said "Disney's for kids" and that "I need to grow up". FML.

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fuck Mother Nature - 12/05/2016 17:04 - United States - Douglasville

Today, my tampon string kept tickling my butt hole while taking a bath. It made me so frustrated I started crying and my mom thought I hurt myself on accident. FML

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Violenna - 12/05/2016 17:02 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I learned that you shouldn't antagonize Peta advocates. How did I find this out? I told one of them that my pet chickens eat chicken. Needless to say, it ended very poorly. FML

Badcat - 12/05/2016 16:49 - Australia - Adelaide

Today I had to remove my cat from the area where I was working as he was trying to eat upholstery pins. When I decided to take a break I found my cat in a shopping bag trying to open a new bag of pins and a sreaming pile of poo on the floor FML.

IIVIMMXV - 12/05/2016 16:45 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me after i read out an anonymous post on facebook from a man, who had snitched on his best friend and told his girlfriend that he had been cheating on her. After she heared that she said "you are probably cheating on me too arent you?" and left. FML.

heartattack - 12/05/2016 16:41 - Canada - Digby

Today, I'm hiding in my apartment like I do every day because my landlord lives below me and gives me severe anxiety attacks. I want nothing more than to move, but sadly I have to stay til November or she'll charge me $3000. FML.

Whocares - 12/05/2016 16:19 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I started a new school. As a student was showing me around, I thought it'd be good to be friendly. as I introduced myself to someone they said "I don't give a fuck about you." Warm welcoming. FML.

sprinklebug - 12/05/2016 16:14 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, after losing all my body hair to alopecia over 3 years ago, I noticed some hair growth on my chin. Too bad I'm a girl. FML

sprinklebug - 12/05/2016 16:08 - United Kingdom - Durham

Today, after losing all my body hair to alopecia over 3 years ago, I noticed some hair growth on my chin. Too bad I'm a girl.

Nomorerack - 12/05/2016 16:05 - United States - Bronx

Today I went for my final weigh in at clinic I've been going to for the past year. The good news is that I've lost 50 lbs and get to buy new clothes. The bad news is that by new clothes I mean new bras. My boobs went from a D to an A. The doctor laughed so hard that the all nurses rushed in too. Fml

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I realized that a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering does not offer enough knowledge and experience to accomplish some simple, everyday tasks. I have spent the last 12 years designing large robots to scour the seabed for shipwrecks yet the mechanism used to unhook a bra eludes me. FML

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Today, my mother showed me a picture of a dog in need of a home. Excitedly, I asked if we were getting it, having wanted one for a few months now. She said, 'No. I'm not even sure why I showed you." FML

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Today, I finally worked up the courage to talk to this hot guy in my law school contracts class. His response? "I'm no fashion expert, but I don't think you're supposed to wear purple underwear with white pants. Not that it matters, though, because your zipper is wide open." FML

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Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had two textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I faceplanted with my books flying everywhere. FML

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Today, I paid a repairman $65 to come to my house to fix my washer. He walked in, looked at the washer, bent over and removed a large steel bolt with a bright red tag sticking out the side that said, "Remove before use." He then looked at me and said, "All fixed." FML

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Today, I announced to my boyfriend of 5 years that I was pregnant. He gave me an ultimatum. Either I "get rid of it" because he’s "not ready to be a dad" or he’ll "put me out on the streets." I’m unemployed and have nowhere to go if I keep it. FML

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