Your everyday life stories

PhoenixChick - 27/05/2016 14:29 - United States - Champaign

Today, I got heatstroke at my new indoor office job. It's been in the 80s all week and our tiny office has no ventilation. Plus I'm on my feet moving boxes all day. Turns out, they not only refuse to turn on the A/C until it hits above 90 outside, but they only turned off the heat two days ago. FML.

132

WhatIsThatNonexistantSmell? - 27/05/2016 14:11 - United States - Frankfort

Today, I realized my paranoia of smelling bad in front of other people has reached an all time low, when I had a vividly clear nightmare about it. FML.

107

Shay_Shay97 - 27/05/2016 14:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a huge Final exam that was worth 20% of my grade. In my rush to get out of the house, I forgot my laptop. The same one that had the assignment and sources for the research paper. FML.

109

youvegottobekittenme - 27/05/2016 13:57 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend who I haven't seen for 2 weeks. He was telling me how much he was looking forward to coming home which I thought was very sweet, until he said "yeah I cant wait to see my cat!" FML

Anonymous - 27/05/2016 13:52 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boss spent so long screaming at me about my incompetence and bad attitude that we missed a bid deadline for a major project. My boss doesn't know how to log on to the bidding site, and I was up all night correcting the mistakes he had made in our proposal. FML

105

lolnokek - 27/05/2016 13:45 - United States - Dallas

Today, my younger sister is taller than me. I'm 5 years older than her, I am male, and I am 17. FML.

190

Not a welcome alarm - 27/05/2016 13:34 - United States - Edgerton

Today, I was woken up by having a WiFi router fall on my head. FML

Carl - 27/05/2016 13:30 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my husband and I had our third marriage counseling session. The only reason I was going was in hopes that the therapist would see he needs help. At the end of the session, she told me she wanted to start doing one on one sessions... with only me. FML

106

electro - 27/05/2016 13:26 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, after hours of drilling routes for cable to be ran in for this new complete my company is wiring, I find out that I did everything completely wrong. I was a foot too short on everything. Fml

Princess Leia - 27/05/2016 13:25 - United States

Today, while spending some "quality time" with my boyfriend, he let his nerd flag fly! He's a really big Star Wars fanboy and decided to pretend his penis was lightsaber...making sounds effects with each thrust. That was fine and all. What wasn't fine? When he came, he said, "I am your father!" FML.

108

CDWDarkstorm - 27/05/2016 13:21 - United States

Today I was going to propose to my gf of 9 years. Supposed to be a good day. My 4000 dollar computer melted due to fan malfunction, warranty ended two months ago. I have stumped my toes twice, got punched in the face by a guy trying to avoid a bug, and my gf left me for another guy. FML

155

Choots - 27/05/2016 13:10 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, i was forced to go to church with a client and his family. they kept asking me about my mother and her husband. they are jehovas witnesses, and i really need this job. but im too scared to admit to them that my mother is both wiccan, and married to her wife.

120

JustWantToGraduate - 27/05/2016 13:10 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, in order to get to school I had to drive my dad to work. I got lost because he, a truck driver, gave me bad directions. After solving that I stopped at a gas station to find they dont offer cash back and I don't have enough money to use the ATM. $5 might keep me from Graduating in 4 days. FML

LifehasLemons - 27/05/2016 05:49 - United States - Reno

Today, my dad brought home yet another different brand of dog food. Today was also the day I spent twenty minutes washing and trimming around my dog's butt-hole, because he had gotten diarrhea stuck in his fur. What a fun way to spend a week night. FML.

365

why me?? - 27/05/2016 05:33 - United States

Today, I had a random drug test,I'm in the navy and used to waiting for long times,after standing around for 4 1/2 hours to finally have my turn I couldn't go. Why? Because the woman monitoring me sat on her stool rocking back and forth while humming and trying to make eye contact with me. FML!

303

pissed - 27/05/2016 05:10 - United States - Plainview

Today, I finally finished the short story that is my last assignment of high school! I also found a student film trailer on YouTube with the EXACT same plot. It's due tomorrow and I have to come up with a completely new story, I guess I won't be sleeping tonight FML

334

BadPuns - 27/05/2016 03:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up with pitch black spots under my eyes. My father thinks I am depressed and my sister thinks I have cancer. The issue? Major sleep deprivation from finals. FML.

379

Desmaia - 27/05/2016 02:53 - United States - Greensboro

Today I discovered my first singular gray hair. I am 26 and I've known others to grey even earlier, that's ok. However, this gray hair has emerged from the carpet, not the drapes. FML

347

i_hate_myself - 27/05/2016 02:48 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I got a failing grade on my pre-calc final. After I broke the news to my dad, he slammed the front door to his apartment building as a joke. The vibrations caused the wasp nest above the doorway to fall and sting me. I'm highly allergic. FML

391

Anonymous - 27/05/2016 01:40 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my fiance threatened to break up with me because I said her sister couldn't afford to live somewhere expensive. They all took offense to that. FML

311

jadziadaxds1990 - 27/05/2016 01:01 - United Kingdom - Taunton

Today I went to the hospital for my scheduled MRI scan which is an hour drive from where I live. The receptionist said my appointment is scheduled at a different date. I advised that today is the 26/05 .The receptionist said yes but the date for the appointment is the 26/05/2017 not 26/05/2016.FML

359

liftthetrucks - 26/05/2016 23:22 - United States - Naperville

Today, when i was painting my room after not sleeping for 2 days, I decided to take a nap. After I woke up my 5 year old brother was smiling and my back was covered in paint. I had a swim meet in 20 minutes and it was a 15 minute drive. FML

271

The sadness is real - 26/05/2016 22:52 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I was getting my cast off my broken foot a week before I'm suppose to take a class trip to Europe. I was told prior to the visit that I was ready to be in a walking boot and that I'd be fine. Turns out I need to be in another cast for 3 more weeks. Guess who's not going to Europe. FML

329

moo - 26/05/2016 22:48 - United States - Lake City

Today, at the beginning of my shift, my resident thought it would be funny to soak my shoes, which I recently put in memory foam soles. My feet have been wet for 9 hours and will stay wet for 3 more before I can go home and take them off.

200

ifuckuprandomly - 26/05/2016 22:45 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I somehow managed to break my parents up by calling to see how they were. FML

220

Awk4Life - 26/05/2016 21:26 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I tried comforting my friend who just had a nasty breakup with her boyfriend. While she clung to me I accidentally got a boner as girls don't normally touch me. So I desperately tried to shift myself over, but she held on tighter. Now I feel like an asshole for getting hard as she cried. FML

196

mylonius - 26/05/2016 21:23 - United States - Fergus Falls

Today, my friend got a new ski mask. I asked if I could try it on, and they said I could. Right after I put it on, I sneezed. They told me not to return it until it was washed. FML

112

draculette - 26/05/2016 21:11 - Netherlands

Today, I discovered that the Dracula book I had been reading with difficulty for an English class was way above my level, and I could just have read the simplified version. I spent many hours on that book trying to understand it, and still didn't make the deadline for the book report. FML.

123

Dear_Spottedleaf - 26/05/2016 20:47 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I realized that I can actually differentiate my cats by the sounds they make in the litterbox. FML

126

lifesucks - 26/05/2016 19:01

Today, I got fired from work because I have to attend my friends wedding in Chicago whom I have known for 12 years and I can't miss it. I told my boss the day I got hired and she claimed she "forgot." FML

145

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, at the crack of dawn, I started a 700-mile road trip with my three children. So far, I've stopped four times, settled several arguments, cleaned up spilled yogurt and melted silly putty. 130 miles down, 570 to go. FML

35 083

12 734

Today, my housemate walked out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in his mouth and asked, "You're not one of those people who cares if someone uses their toothbrush, are you?" FML

24 691

1 601

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML

14 255

1 542

Today, I walked out of a date after he told me feminism is "ruining society" and tried to convince me, with articles he had saved on his phone, that the female orgasm isn’t real like a man’s is FML

1 399

230

Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML

2 412

3 211

Today, I returned home from a 2-day trip. Before I left, I told my brother to move my car across the street when the street cleaner passes by. Turns out, he used all my gas and got so wasted he forgot to move my car. I got a big ticket that he said he'd pay for. He's unemployed and lives off me. FML

25 891

4 948