Your everyday life stories

anon - 24/05/2016 02:31 - Canada - Guelph

Today, my family & I get home only to realize our mom had gone to work with the key. In the dark our dad picked open the bathroom window, shoving me through. I fell into the tub hurting my ankle, but opened the door & put on the light to see what he'd picked in with. Turns out it was the key. FML

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_anonymoose_2 - 24/05/2016 02:28 - United States - Arlington

Today, after holding my pee in for hours I ran to the bathroom to relieve myself only to have realized the back of my skirt had been in the toilet bowl the whole time. FML.

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svy - 24/05/2016 02:14 - United States - Norwalk

Today, while at my friends birthday party a girl that I have never met was taking low key pictures of me all evening. This wouldn't have been a problem if she hadn't tagged me as "her new bae and lover" on social media. It's 3 am and I am getting threats from her boyfriend for "stealing his girl".

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TwoForOne - 24/05/2016 02:07 - United States - Boone

Today, I had to go to the doctor because my fiance gave me a bad cold. And apparently also chlamydia. FML.

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noahS6 - 24/05/2016 01:54 - United States - Duluth

Today, I accidentally called the wrong number, thinking that's what my friends number was. Apparently I called this guy named Jason and now his girlfriend thinks he's cheating on her with me. She's currently still threatening me and leaving horrible messages. FML

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DarkColdHungryBirthdayGirl - 24/05/2016 01:48 - United States - Charlotte

Today, is my 16 birthday. Today also marks one week my electric and water has been shut off. 6 days left to payday. FML

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winterborn253 - 24/05/2016 01:37 - United States - Augusta

Today, after seven months of sobriety, I finally talked to a girl while at a restaurant. When I contacted her the next day, as per her request, she admitted to only speaking with me because she was drunk. Looks like women will only speak to me when alcohol is involved. FML.

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fml - 24/05/2016 00:58 - United States - Brandon

Today,my husband decided he needs to be a truck driver. That means our 7 weeks of marriage will be met with 7 weeks of not seeing each other. Fml

glambitch93 - 24/05/2016 00:34 - United States - Springfield

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment didn't take off my shirt and he came all over it. It is the only shirt I had brought to wear. FML

noone - 23/05/2016 23:44 - Germany - Weimar

Today, i was asked to keep a bottle of coke in my backpack while we were walking in the park. Half an hour later i found out that bottle was half open. My all notes, jacket, kindle, notebook, new book i just bought yesterday are soaked with sticky coke. My jeans and underwear too. FML

iwillreapyou - 23/05/2016 23:16 - United States

Today, at my factory job, one of the bosses came up to me and asked me where my earplugs were at. So I felt my ears and didn't have any in. I mumbled "Fuck" and he heard it. He wasn't wearing any either. FML.

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No Bees - 23/05/2016 23:03 - United States - Huntsville

Today, I was stung on the foot by an already detached bee stinger. FML.

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Brokeback - 23/05/2016 22:57 - Canada - Kingston

Today, of the many things I can't do due a back injury, being unable to bend at the waist enough to remove my menstrual cup was probably the most humiliating. FML.

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kgirl1 - 23/05/2016 22:07 - United States - Kernersville

Today, I finally got my cast off from having a fractured foot. I wanted to instantly start working out so I went to the lake...where I stepped in a hole and broke my other ankle. FML.

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Btelgeus - 23/05/2016 22:06 - Italy - Turin

Today, after days searching online, I finally found the perfect wedding ring for me: original, meaningful and fitting my very tight budget. Too bad that the seller, who lives in another continent, doesn't ship to my country. FML

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MilesPrower1992 - 23/05/2016 21:20 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my sister needed to plug in her phone charger. Plugged into the outlet were: an Iphone dock with nothing on it, and my computer, which was updating Windows. Guess which one she unplugged? Why? She said my IPhone was charging. You know, the IPhone that's made by Samsung and has Android. FML

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DbM - 23/05/2016 20:55 - United Kingdom - Bures

Today I got a message from a girl I've been dating; I've dated a few women the last couple of years and everytime we get close they end up moving away for work. I thought I finally found something special until I read the text and she tells me she's going to have to move back to Northern Ireland FML

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Remora - 23/05/2016 20:30 - United States - Cookeville

Today, I went to check out the aftermath of my Saturday. My Elantra had a blowout, I informed the police and parked safely on a highway before going to get a new tire for my car. As I was about to pay for the tire, I got a call from said police because another car turned it into a compact. FML

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CardboardPizzas - 23/05/2016 20:12 - United Kingdom - Chester-le-street

Today, I was at the Five Guys in Cardiff, and I decided to treat myself by getting five portions of fries and emptying them all into the brown paper bag. I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, they were gone. I had only eaten a few, and I was only gone for about 45 seconds. FML.

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Wake up call - 23/05/2016 20:10 - United States - Woodside

Today, I found out what it feels like to have my dick and balls coated in icy hot while sleeping. Let me tell you, it is not a fun way to wake up. My wife thinks she is hilarious for doing it. FML

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goodbye sweet hopes - 23/05/2016 20:05 - Germany - Karlsruhe

Today, my crush told me to go and find a boyfriend. FML

sszebrat - 23/05/2016 19:54 - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I found out that all of my YouTube subscribers were actually accounts created by my friend to make me feel better. FML.

jerseybitch1896 - 23/05/2016 19:49 - United States - Fort Mill

Today, my boyfriend of two weeks, who I've been best friends with for years told me he wishes we had started dating back in high school, because I was so much skinnier back then. Thanks babe.

fuck you driver - 23/05/2016 19:45 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was supposed to get my birth certificate and social security number in the mail. The same day it was supposed to arrive my mailbox got run over, fml...

Senseless_487 - 23/05/2016 16:57 - United States - Pioneer

Today, I found out that my lazy, deadbeat sister is pregnant. This will be her third child with as many men. My wife and I, however, can't carry a baby past the first trimester, try as we might. If there's some sort of lesson here, it's lost on me. FML

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anonymous - 23/05/2016 16:31 - United States - Boston

Today, my dad is mad at me because I've been dating a boy who I've asked him to meet but he refuses because he's automatically a bad guy for no reason. According to him, "I've destroyed my family" and am a horrible daughter. Let's keep in mind I'm almost 20. FML

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oatmeal1311 - 23/05/2016 16:23 - United States - Tomball

Today, I got a call from my manager asking me if I realized I had a shift that started half an hour previously. Apparently my shift got changed last minute and no one told me. I only got 2 hours of sleep because I didn't think I had to wake up until noon. FML

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ifuckuprandomly - 23/05/2016 16:22 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I was attaching my new motorcycle fairings as my old ones were shattered in a crash. I finished putting them on, when my 120lb Rottweiler decides to bolt around the corner into my bike. The dog was fine, but my fairings weren't. FML

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snazz23 - 23/05/2016 16:07 - United States - Houston

Today, I felt the joy of changing my tampon in the front seat of my car while my fiancé sat in horror. Why? Because the tampon/pad combo I had that usually lasts 6 hours lasted less than 2 and we had just arrived at a park with no bathrooms. Fml

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horrified - 23/05/2016 15:55 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I discovered a small hedgehog clinging to the side of a tree. I moved in closer to get a picture when I realized that its spines were actually legs, and the "hedgehog" was actually spiders. Thousands and thousands of spiders. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was told by my teacher that she had 'given up' teaching me because someone had told her I have a mental illness, and that I don't understand what she says. FML

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Today, my dogs broke through our electric fence, one of whom managed to get his collar off. I picked it up and, without thinking, went across the fence line. I screamed like a chihuahua being run over by a bulldozer. FML

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Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

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Today, I serve at church and had a funeral. As I greeted the family, someone asked how I was doing. Without thought, I responded, "Good to be alive." FML

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Today, my son is still single in his forties, so I asked him about it. Turns out, because he has his buddies and doesn’t want kids, he hires a house cleaning service twice a month and prostitutes twice a week, so he can’t think of any scenario in which a wife could improve his life. FML

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Today, my boyfriend picked a scab off of my back and ate it without a moment of hesitation. When I questioned him on it, he nonchalantly replied that he’s been doing it his whole life. FML

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