The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Another pro-shoe argument

By where's the epipen - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 256

You deserved it 1 001

By occam's pube-razor - 05/09/2015 04:26 - United States - Buena Vista

Today, I parked my car, went to pay for my spot, and returned to my car only to find a parking violation ticket tucked under the windshield wipers. This all happened in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 714

You deserved it 2 002

By Anonymous - 30/04/2013 18:24 - United States - Pompton Plains

Spicy

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 019

You deserved it 8 460

By Anonymous - 19/06/2014 14:33 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 719

You deserved it 8 442

By TrueScotsman - 29/10/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 994

You deserved it 57 431

Scarpered

By James - 30/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked the restaurant manager if he could arrange to deliver an engagement ring to me and my girlfriend with our desserts. Desserts came, no ring. That guy wasn’t the manager, just a guy in a suit who legged it with my ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 331

You deserved it 2 294

By hopeless - 07/10/2016 20:28 - United States - Annandale On Hudson

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 382

You deserved it 818

Leave me alone!

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 18:00

Today, I posted that I'm having a yard sale and listed a bunch of stuff I'm selling. People started messaging, asking me to send pictures and prices. That's why I'm having the yard sale, so I don't have to post pictures and prices! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 509

You deserved it 333

Women shouldn't fart?

By single again - 06/04/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, I slept in the same room as my girlfriend for the first time. She is sweet, smart, and drop-dead gorgeous, so naturally I thought she was going to be the one. Until she farted in her sleep. 56 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 3 215

By Yellowsmellow - 22/09/2016 17:57 - Canada - Windsor

Today, and for the past two weeks, the people living directly above me have decided to add rearranging their furniture to their daily routines. Not only that but apparently, 6 a.m. is the most optimal time for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 386

You deserved it 700

By FYouBoyfriend - 30/08/2010 17:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 697

You deserved it 16 234

Nervous

By MondayonaTuesday - 15/09/2017 20:00

Today, while rushing to a big marketing presentation, I started feeling ill in my car. I was stuck in traffic, and before I could get my window open I threw up all over my suit. All I had were some tissues to try to clean the mess before presenting to a full boardroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 620

You deserved it 333

By Ribbed for Her Disaster - 04/04/2013 16:04 - United Kingdom - Orpington

Spicy

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 473

You deserved it 19 473

By fmypaint - 14/10/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 604

You deserved it 35 380

By fml9124 - 31/08/2019 22:00

Today, it's our 32nd wedding anniversary. Two weeks ago I caught a cold on an airplane. Since I got back, she hasn't kissed or let me touch her. I'm still coughing. She says maybe it's not a cold, maybe it's TB. She's left to stay in a hotel until I get better or die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 182

By I suck :( - 07/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 030

You deserved it 62 999

By Jimmy Joe - 08/09/2017 20:00

Today, I went to Houston to help with hurricane relief and to donate supplies. Later, I realized that I'd accidentally donated a bag that had my brand new truck keys in it. I've been waiting for 5 hours already to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 896

By Ben - 18/06/2011 15:34 - United States

Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 837

You deserved it 7 105

We can see you

By crunknasty - 30/03/2013 05:19 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 076

You deserved it 62 056

By Anonymous - 29/04/2014 18:46 - United States - Swartz Creek

Spicy

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 735

You deserved it 9 072

Get it on, bang a gong

By Anonymous - 12/09/2019 15:00 - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, I'm dating the perfect guy. He's smart, considerate, charming, funny, good looking and we have a ton of interests in common. He also can't get it up. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 760

You deserved it 242

By Voice29 - 26/03/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180 101

You deserved it 24 845

I hate it here

By ElaborateScheme - 14/08/2016 20:52 - United States - Palm Beach Gardens

Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all, except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 854

You deserved it 1 178

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 05:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 949

You deserved it 8 426

Tradlife blues

By Anemity_is_my_name - 17/05/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I wish I could go back to living alone in a van, sleeping, eating, and showering in the truck stop that's near my job. I've tried to be a model husband and father for over a decade, and am left depressed, and exhausted. I love them all just enough to not actually abandon them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 266

By washcaps - 04/08/2016 02:11 - United States - Bristow

Today, I sent a text to my volleyball group chat congratulating everyone who made the school team, which I hadn't. Someone removed me from the conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 655

You deserved it 1 593

washcaps tells us more.

washcaps 11

Friday 5 August 2016 5:56

Hey everyone, OP here. (: First off, I would like to thank you guys for your nice comments, they made things better! And since I didn't have much room to explain, the group chat was consisted of the girls in the coed league we all played together in the winter, thus creating the chat. We all attend the same school and are all upcoming sophomores that tried out for JV. The competition was very hard. In the end the coach toke 6 sophomores, (all that played in same coed team) and 8 juniors. There were 9 of us in that didn't make it, also all 9 were in the chat. After I realized I was removed I was a little saddened and didn't quite understand why because it wasn't anything too much. A friend of mine that also didn't make it informed me that after I had been removed, she congratulated them too, and she had also been removed. So basically it's came into realization they aren't worth it and I'm more likely to try another sport but if I can't decide on one I might just practice more. Sorry it's long, and thank you if you read!

Cats are like drugs

By Anonymous - 22/05/2021 23:01 - Turkey - Adana

Today, I'd agreed to watch my friend's cats for a few weeks. I'd always promised myself not to become a "crazy cat lady" like her. It's the third day and I danced with the cats and apologised to them for my bad dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 515

Obligatory joke about Alabama

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00

Spicy

Today, my son has to go live with my brother, because he got his half-sister pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 322

By Dummy - 21/11/2017 05:00

Today, I found out that the little red dots all over my body aren't some horrible disease like I originally thought. They're bedbug bites. I've managed to not notice a huge infestation for 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 534

You deserved it 1 150

Valid reason

By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 532

You deserved it 276

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 079

You deserved it 3 122

Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 487

You deserved it 4 131

Today, after my dad always telling me that if I went to college then one day I could have a big house, a nice car, a hot wife, and two great kids, the joke's on you Dad. I have a Master's degree and can't afford rent, can’t afford driving lessons, and am single. Also, I've not eaten in two days, because I can’t afford food FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 119

Today, I was running late for work so instead of walking the ten minutes to the office, I took a taxi. The driver took the opportunity to share the story of his first sexual experience with a man. In great detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 002

You deserved it 14 562

Today, my boyfriend gave me a pair of ankle weights for my birthday. How utterly romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 627

You deserved it 5 252

Today, on my Facebook newsfeed, I noticed a photo of a coworker. In the comment section of the photo he and his wife had written "I love you" to each other. As a joke I commented "get a room". Turns out the woman with the same surname as my coworker wasn't in fact his wife, but his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 902

You deserved it 6 273