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Apparently his friend gave him some to try. He's only 14 so I don't think he knew any better. He told me he was experimenting, and I think that's an okay thing to do so long as he learned his lesson. He is just a young stupid teenager. Moral of the story: Don't do drugs, kids. Or you'll burn your penises.

You'd be right! I'll try and condense the story for you. So basically, I was playing Counter-Strike: Global Offensive (the game mentioned in my post) and my team was messing about and killing each other. In my frustration, I called the one who was the most annoying on my team a baked potato. It seems that he too must have been frustrated, because the next thing I know, he's called a vote to kick me from my team. Since I'm at the top of the leaderboard and I'm carrying my team (despite losing by a huge margin), I think to myself "Well, it's not like they're going to vote 'Yes', they need me on this team if we're ever going to win!" But, to my surprise, they all accepted the vote and I was kicked, consequently resulting in a 7 day ban from Competitive Matchmaking. Well, that's it! I hope this backstory behind it was sufficient.

Hey, I didn't think this would get published, but here it is! Now for some explanations: 1. I did watch Pokemon when I was younger and I liked it. When he dared me to name 10 first gen Pokemon I was sure I could do it ... Guess my memory is not that good, but I already know that :D 2. He did admit eventually that he was sorta kinda joking. I knew he couldn't be serious about dumping me, but he did take the joke a bit too far, like yelling at me and sulking for half an hour. 3. I do take interest in his interests, we talk a lot about the games he plays and the series he watches, and do a lot of stuff together. We do have a lot in common. It's just that where he likes Pokemon to the point of fangirling about it, I'm the same with Harry Potter and Dr. Who. 4. I asked him to name ten spells from Harry Potter and he couldn't do it, so I guess we're even! Ha! :D

OP here, Okay just want to clarify some stuff first. The term "spank the ferret" is a "nice" way of putting he was jerking off. I originally wrote "jerked off" but I guess fmylife didn't like that wording and changed it to a friendly term. So, no there wasn't an actually ferret (no animal was hurt in the making of fmylife). Okay with that done now for the background story. My boyfriend at the time loved sex (like every normal guy) and liked to do the "traditional **** ending, where the guy cums on the girls face" He liked to call it Spiderman. (I'm aware doing the Spiderman is not done that way however he didn't want to splat in his hand and throw it at me, it was a modified Spiderman). Anyways, he got this "bright" idea to wake me up this way (thinking I was find it funny and sexy at the same time, which I didn't.) And for all of you who said I should have helped him out, I was sleeping, he woke me up just before and when I turned around SPLAT he shot me in the face while singing the theme song. We broke up a month later because of an unrelated issue but needless to say I was pretty mad at him but forgave him like after a day.