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OP here. If you really wanna know, he soaked them so they were slippery and put them in one at a time. He's got an inflation fetish and is really into butt stuff. The only reason he tells me all this stuff is because I'm one of the only people in his life that he can be totally TMI with. I'm trying to gently push him into talking about it more with his girlfriend, who's into some of the same things, and less with me. I have a strong stomach but I'm just sick of only ever talking about butt stuff! ?

By duko3000 - 06/06/2010 17:36 - Canada

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 999

You deserved it 3 490

By troublewithbleach - 06/04/2011 01:52 - United States

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 546

You deserved it 11 844

By transcendingnerd - 13/04/2015 10:46 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 704

You deserved it 3 093

By sissica - 11/02/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 233

You deserved it 6 636

Crushed

By foreveralone - 17/02/2015 15:48 - United States - Sherman

Today, I was talking to my best friend's brother after we drunkenly hooked up last night. I've had a crush on him for over a year. He ended up interrupting himself and said, "Please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want anyone to think we're dating or anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 310

You deserved it 6 425

Sorry to disappoint you, but…

By Anonymous - 05/12/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 264

You deserved it 12 455

By joking0303 - 16/07/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 151

You deserved it 6 479

By Anonymous - 29/01/2010 19:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to cut class with one of my friends and we ended up going to Burger King. As we sat down at the table, I heard my name being called. My mum was getting lunch through the drive thru with my little brother and saw my car parked out front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 519

You deserved it 42 327

By dani911 - 15/07/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 723

You deserved it 37 387

Whispers and rumors

By Anonymous - 31/12/2014 03:34 - United States - Blacksburg

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 069

You deserved it 3 039

By ShadowReiku - 02/12/2014 04:41 - United States - Odenton

Today, I discovered that the reason the phone I've had for a year takes such terrible and cloudy pictures is because I never took the plastic coating off the lens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 724

You deserved it 36 106

fishyrael tells us more.

fishyrael 28

Tuesday 2 December 2014 22:20

Yeah haha I did feel pretty silly. My phone is one of those old ones that you flip open and it has a keyboard, so to my memory the inner screen didn't have a protector. The one over the camera was very flush to the lens so it didn't bubble or anything and looked perfectly normal, I thought it was just a shit camera since it was an old model of phone. I wouldn't have found it if my nail hadn't caught the corner when I was putting it in my pocket and pulled it up some. The worst part was as #3 said, since it was actually my birthday party and my boyfriend and all my family were there to witness the look of stunned realization on my face, followed by my announcement that I was, in fact, an idiot. Oh well, at least I have a decent camera now!