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Awkward

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 23:26 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

agreeclassic 17 291

vote type 1 51 696

Camping out

By Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

agreeclassic 77 435

vote type 1 9 346

By seussical65 - 14/04/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

agreeclassic 20 741

vote type 1 93 582

Thanks for the memories

By savanna - 03/05/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. Thirty minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

agreeclassic 34 566

vote type 1 4 638

By simply_meeeee - 20/07/2015 15:10 - United States - Glen Carbon

Today, after hours of waiting in line, I finally met my favorite band. After posing for a picture, I looked at my phone to find that instead of taking a picture with me and the band, my friend took selfies. FML

agreeclassic 33 782

vote type 1 2 987

simply_meeeee app_comment_confession_title

simply_meeeee 26

Tuesday 21 July 2015 2:06

I'm surprised mine got published! And yeah, I was furious with her. Consider her unfriended!

By Diesel - 03/05/2011 14:23 - Belgium

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

agreeclassic 43 501

vote type 1 4 593

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

agreeclassic 26 717

vote type 1 3 572

By lonely otaku - 25/12/2013 07:46 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

agreeclassic 42 451

vote type 1 7 409

The big reveal

By yeahthatsme - 30/07/2009 20:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

agreeclassic 47 961

vote type 1 29 405

By shredded - 12/02/2011 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent three and a half hours creating a Wikipedia page for myself. Three minutes after publishing, it was deleted due to me being a "Non-notable person nobody's ever heard of." FML

agreeclassic 10 329

vote type 1 56 225

By Watchtower? More like fortress. - 19/10/2012 21:39 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

agreeclassic 22 790

vote type 1 2 523

By Sarah91 - 13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML

agreeclassic 115 523

vote type 1 16 596

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 07:47

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

agreeclassic 42 368

vote type 1 13 773

By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - 16/05/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I was in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

agreeclassic 37 981

vote type 1 2 887

By ABBenzin - 01/02/2012 16:11 - United States

Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML

agreeclassic 41 466

vote type 1 3 790

By Anonymous - 25/09/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

agreeclassic 58 269

vote type 1 7 070

By Aggressive - 24/07/2013 13:12 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I came back from vacation only to find my 16-year-old son was throwing a party with over 30 kids in our house. My 33-year-old sister was having fun dancing on a table. FML

agreeclassic 53 350

vote type 1 6 445

Aggressive app_comment_confession_title

Aggressive 11

Thursday 25 July 2013 10:30

My son had to clean up the mess, and pay for any damages, also he's grounded for a LONG time. Hopefully he'll learn from this. At the moment, my sisters still too drunk to be reasonable, I'll have to speak to her when she's sober. As for the kids at the party, most of their parents have been notified!

Felt cute, might delete later

By ouch - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was on the bus when a really cute guy came on. The only seat left was the one next to me, so I smiled and waited for him to sit down. He looked at the seat, looked at me, and opted to stand until his stop. FML

agreeclassic 34 691

vote type 1 5 034

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that if my son and daughter in law are mad at me, they do it on my furniture. So far, they've done it on the table, my bed, and all the living room couches. FML

agreeclassic 30 636

vote type 1 13 197

By Cheyenne - 11/07/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I found out I'm the only one in my family to wash their hands after they use the bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 40 328

vote type 1 3 709

Loser

By pwndbykidz - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually three ten-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

agreeclassic 15 092

vote type 1 69 034

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Spicy

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

agreeclassic 53 897

vote type 1 19 355

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

agreeclassic 42 868

vote type 1 3 478

By anonymous - 04/11/2014 12:03 - Canada - North Vancouver

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. I was laying in between his legs because it's just more comfortable. I looked down, and he had pieces of toilet paper sticking out of his butt cheeks. FML

agreeclassic 53 273

vote type 1 8 513

By w0rstdayever - 27/11/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I got in a hotel elevator. There was a kid in there also. He got off on the 3rd floor. As he was stepping from the elevator, he decided to press every single button. It's a 35 floor hotel. My room is on the 32nd floor. FML

agreeclassic 34 212

vote type 1 4 331

w0rstdayever app_comment_confession_title

w0rstdayever 5

Saturday 28 November 2009 4:48

OK, maybe it wasn't terrible. Except for the fact that this is what the site is for. It still sucks even if my life isn't ****** to shit.

By Devin - 19/05/2013 05:26 - United States

Today, I was roasting marshmallows around a campfire when mine burst into flames. I instinctively shook the stick to get it to go out. The flaming marshmallow then catapulted straight into my eye, burning my whole eyelid. FML

agreeclassic 48 269

vote type 1 27 851

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 10:26 - United States

Today, I made the mistake of sneezing in front of a hyper religious customer, who for ten minutes blamed the incident of shifting weather patterns that signaled the return of Jesus, who was as she explained, upset about the abortion rates in America and President Obama. FML

agreeclassic 73 955

vote type 1 5 291

By tardspawn - 05/04/2015 15:38 - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML

agreeclassic 33 619

vote type 1 4 014

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 05:53 - United States

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

agreeclassic 25 445

vote type 1 40 606

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 07:41 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I witnessed a kid apparently getting jumped. Being a good citizen, I got out and started yelling at them. I ended up alongside the kid in the hospital. FML

agreeclassic 39 899

vote type 1 4 639

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my mother bitched me out for not coming to my sister's birthday tomorrow. She's 25 and lives at home, and she, my mother, and father all have Covid. FML

agreeclassic 1 229

vote type 1 116

Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML

agreeclassic 54 361

vote type 1 4 918

Today, my boyfriend got frustrated trying to take my entertainment center into the basement, for the kids' game room. It didn't fit, thanks to the horrible design of the house, so he Spartan-kicked it down, breaking it into 15 pieces. FML

agreeclassic 1 581

vote type 1 236

Today, my girlfriend's "sheltered" 15-year-old niece is sharing our tiny home. Shortly after she arrived, I started to pass a kidney stone. I've had 3 hours of vomiting and cold-sweating while pissing acidic blood and a stone in absolute agony. The niece is "traumatized". FML

agreeclassic 8 999

vote type 1 653

Today, I went to a new doctor. While filling out charts she looked up and said, "I'm assuming you are single." FML

agreeclassic 12 788

vote type 1 934

Today, my mom made me take a pregnancy test since I missed my last 4 periods. It came back positive and my mom grounded me. I’ve never had sex. FML

agreeclassic 3 892

vote type 1 414