Health: Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in...

By Username - 21/01/2011 03:55

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 28 241

vote type 1 3 651

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By Anonymous - 24/06/2020 05:01

Today, I realized that having the apartment bathroom next to my bedroom space isn't so great and convenient when it's occupied by my evil roommate, Fartzilla. I hear every constipated grunt, despite having music turned up. Worse, it's like living next to a poop-pourri factory. Nose bleach, anyone? FML

agreeclassic 1 425

vote type 1 210

The sound of silence

By hearing too much - 03/11/2019 02:00

Today, the walls in my house are so thin that I heard my roommate yell from the bathroom upstairs, "Hear my butthole roar." Now I’m scared to use the bathroom after him. FML

agreeclassic 1 794

vote type 1 231

By monochrometea - 09/09/2011 02:07 - United States

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

agreeclassic 26 906

vote type 1 2 376

By silent one - 12/09/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

agreeclassic 27 292

vote type 1 3 034

By I hear everything... - 22/04/2017 18:00

Today, I can now identify which of my four roommates is using the washroom, based on their grunts. I just love having a bedroom beside the bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 4 093

vote type 1 307

By op-poopy - 22/04/2011 14:26 - Canada

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

agreeclassic 30 078

vote type 1 2 600

By edwinduarte1 - 13/09/2010 06:49 - France

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

agreeclassic 30 212

vote type 1 3 314

By Anon - 20/01/2017 22:00

Today, as any other work day, I sat down for lunch. Unfortunately, the door to the toilet is right next to where I sit. Every time a colleague uses the toilet, I hear everything, which puts me off my lunch. FML

agreeclassic 6 135

vote type 1 1 737

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 04:14

Today, I realised I can tell which family member has just left the bathroom from the smell alone. FML

agreeclassic 1 671

vote type 1 182

Cursed buildings

By investing in earplugs - 23/02/2022 05:59

Today, sick of the unfiltered noise we hear from our neighbours in our upstairs apartment, as we're above their fence line, we signed the lease on an apartment downstairs. While I was downstairs, my partner clomped upstairs, opened the bathroom door, and took a piss. I heard EVERYTHING. FML

agreeclassic 803

vote type 1 338

krysxkatastrophe 14

Friday 21 January 2011 9:16

Smirk at him back! If he can hear you, you can hear him.

Waffcakes 0

Friday 21 January 2011 9:04

you could always be like shut up! I know what you do in your bedroom... and walk away chuckling lol but thats creepy..

Comments

ppriscilla 0

Friday 21 January 2011 13:28

awkwarddd

emodude44 0

Friday 21 January 2011 13:32

Why was he listening?!?!?!

77taylah33 0

Friday 21 January 2011 14:01

how did you find that out?..

RedPillSucks 31

Friday 21 January 2011 14:52

I was thinking the same thing. Was she over at his place about to do the nasty, and had to use the bathroom? Inquiring minds want to know.

sieana 0

Friday 21 January 2011 14:03

sounds like you need more fiber in your diet..ydi..

ScrabbleBabe2010 0

Friday 21 January 2011 15:40

Gamer_Bum 1

Friday 21 January 2011 16:14

U should ask to use his bathroom lol

ScrabbleBabe2010 0

Friday 21 January 2011 18:17

Paint

motero 0

Friday 21 January 2011 19:27

next time pretend ur banging some girl so he can think u do everything in that bathroom. that's where all da noises come from

Crews17 0

Saturday 22 January 2011 4:54

hahaha

FFPianoDude 2

Saturday 22 January 2011 19:23

Then can't you hear his?

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Today, the key broke inside my lock and I ended up needing bolt cutters. Cool. FML

agreeclassic 1 131

vote type 1 138

Today, while cashiering, I rang out a father and his son who looked about eight years-old. The dad jokingly told his son that I was a 10/10 in looks. The son then looked at me for a few seconds and said, "No, probably more like a seven." Thanks a lot. FML

agreeclassic 1 744

vote type 1 223

Today, I'm accepting professional defeat and preparing to move. My state has one of the lowest vaccine rates in the country. If I have to see another ICU full of people with Covid just because they chose not to get vaccinated, I'll become one of those doctors who think all patients are stupid. FML

agreeclassic 1 161

vote type 1 466

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 36 276

vote type 1 5 346

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

agreeclassic 29 941

vote type 1 2 374

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tased. FML

agreeclassic 22 824

vote type 1 6 758

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