Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML
Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband going down on another woman. Instead of speaking, he looked at me, got up, and slammed the door. FML
Today, I found out I wasn't invited to my neighbor's funeral, with whom I had been good friends with for a long time. When I asked her husband why, he said, "We have a small amount of money and can't afford for you to eat all of the refreshments." FML
Today, I turned on an old radio I haven't used for a long time and a pack of very small spiders came rushing out of the speakers when I turned up the volume. Guess they didn't like the groove. FML
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