SiimplExMaGikzZ

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His response: "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

Dick joke

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see me with my hand on my crotch while angrily muttering, "Where's that little bastard gone?" FML

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

Today, I found a condom on my bed with a note written by my girlfriend that said, "Since you started acting like a dick, you might as well dress like one." FML