Miss Middle of Nowhere, Canada 29 years-old Single
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML
Today, I had to explain to my little brother that my tampons weren't ear plugs. FML
Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML
Today, I realized that my boyfriend will only have sex with me if I am on my stomach and not revealing my face. FML
Today, after a full shift at work, I got home to my boyfriend playing CoD, a full sink, crap all over the table, a full cat box, dirty bathroom, no laundry done and the kids at my parents' house. He yelled at me because the place was a mess. FML
Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML
Today, I ran out of breath while mowing the lawn. I was on a riding lawn mower. FML
Today, I let my new puppy outside for the first time. When I went to get him, I saw a man running off with him. FML
Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML
Today, I woke up to a homeless man relentlessly shitting on my porch. FML
Today, I went to visit my boyfriend at work. That's where I met his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn't kiss me because there was a picture of Superman on my shirt. FML
Today, I watched my boss try to stick a magnet to cardboard. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a video of him having sex with someone from one of his last relationships because he thought it would turn me on. FML
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML
Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML
Today, I found out that I was one point away from passing a state science exam. FML
Today, I felt so lonely that I left the TV on for company. Then the power went out. FML
Today, my boss gave me an "All You Need to Know About Grammar" type book. FML
Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML
Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML
Today, I spent a full hour working on my British accent. FML
Today, I dropped my camera into water. The good news is that it's waterproof. The bad news is I dropped it off London Bridge. All the pictures and videos of my four-month trip around Europe were on it. FML
Today, I was at the water park, when I slipped and fell to the ground in front of the no running sign. I was walking. FML
Today, I made the long drive to work, got out of the car, and realised that I'd forgotten to put shoes on before I left the house. FML
Today, I realized that I text my boyfriend more than I see him. He's my next door neighbor. FML
Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML
Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML
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