Miss 40 years-old Single
Today, I was with my girlfriend in her room. She starts screaming. Her father bursts in and, thinking I'm some kind of rapist, hits me in the head with a baseball bat. Not bad enough? I wasn't the one making her scream. There was a huge spider on the wall. FML
Today, I was proposed to in a McDonald's. FML
Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML
Today, my sister attacked me and stuffed a Tic Tac up my nose. I'm currently in the hospital waiting to have it removed. FML
Today, I told a co-worker to "lighten up, and stop wearing black all the time, it makes you look depressed." I didn't know his father had died the week before. FML
Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, "You'll be really busy in the academy, and I can't marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job." She then called me selfish for "doing this to us." FML
Today, an intoxicated homeless man tried to chase me out of a McDonald's because he thought I was President Obama. I'm a 26-year-old white woman. FML
Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML
Today, my parents had a long discussion on whether a cut on my arm looked like a vagina. FML
Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML
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