Mrs 31 years-old In a relationship
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said, "Good." FML
Today, after begging for over an hour, I had to pay my sister $20 to wax my back for me so my bra would stop painfully pulling at the hair I repulsively seem to be growing there. FML
Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML
Today, I was tending the cash register. I scanned a lady's items which totaled $89.68. She paid with a $100 bill. I gave her $11.32 change. She angrily gave back the extra dollar and complained about "schools nowadays". I'm an AP Calculus student. FML
Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML
Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were at a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML
Today, a young boy helped me carry my groceries home. He then asked me to sign his sheet to certify that he had done half an hour of service to the elderly. I'm 46. FML
Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML
Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML
Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML
Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, our AC broke. It's 98 degrees inside the house. My parents will be staying at a 5 star resort until the repairman can come to fix the unit in 6 days. They made me stay home to make sure the plants survive. FML
Today, I learned the hard way that taking a 20 mile bike ride with my boyfriend's family the day after losing my virginity is the worst decision ever. FML
Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to help me get over the fear of my upcoming rectal exam by surprising me with one of her own halfway through our lovemaking. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML
Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML
Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML
Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML
Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML
Today, I had a swollen knee, and was slowly limping to the toilet. All of a sudden, my mom ran past me, beating me to it. As she closed the door, she said, "AT LEAST I CAN RUN!" FML
Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML
Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML
Today, my husband and I went to our first counseling sessions, where the main focus was communication. When the therapist called us in together to discuss techniques we could use at home, my husband looked around, rolled his eyes, and responded with, "Uh huh" to every question. FML
Today, I had six long hours with the same math teacher. To get home, I travel by bus. Guess who sat down next to me for the whole trip. FML
Today, on my way to see my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he wouldn't have to drive me there anymore. FML
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