gabuliye

Sex work is work

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill. My cat ate it before I could pick it up. FML

Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML

Today, my husband, who has been in a coma for 5 weeks, woke up. When I went to visit him, the first thing he did was try and continue the argument we had been having before he crashed the car. FML

Today, my girlfriend had a complete breakdown. I was trying to calm her down and reassure her that she will accomplish all of her dreams. Her response: "Then why am I even with you?" FML

Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML