babisweets

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

A good yanking

Today, I was standing by the bed, naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opened the door and walked over to me, swinging her hips, wearing practically nothing. At about four feet from me, she tripped on the edge of the floor mat, and used my junk to catch herself. FML

Today, I paid for someone else's piss so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML