jessthebst

Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML

Today, my boyfriend went into great detail over the Tiffany's jewelry he painstakingly selected for his previous girlfriends on their birthday. I got hand towels. In powder blue. From Target. FML

Today, I saw my girlfriend going into my best friend's dorm room and suspected her to cheat on me so I placed a camera in his room to spy on them. In the end, I discovered that my girlfriend has problems in math and both my best friend and brother are gay. FML

Today, my friend's dog got hit by a car. I was the only one not in shock, and had to drag the poor thing off the road, then comfort a hysterical friend while the driver verbally abused us and demanded we pay for the repairs to his car. FML

Horndogs

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

Today, I saw one one of my cat's hairs on my sweatpants and wanted to remove it. It wasn't a cat hair, but a pubic hair that has found its way through my panties and sweatpants while being still attached to me. FML

Today, I got banned from my favourite online video game for calling a person on my team a "Baked Potato". FML