Miss 35 years-old Single
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML
Today, I found out that my 20-year-old boyfriend won't touch my boobs because he is afraid his parents will find out. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML
Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I got aroused by the vanilla scent from an unused trash bag. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML
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