Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML
Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML
Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
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