HopelessOldFart

Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be romantic to take me to a strip club for our 1-year anniversary. FML

Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he was dating me. He replied, "Well, there's not a lot of options at this college." FML

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

Today, I lost a book. I'd used my credit card as a bookmark. FML

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

Today, I realised that my boyfriend gets a boner every time I cry. FML

Today, my grandpa accidentally posted a nude photo of himself on Facebook. I will never be able to unsee that. FML

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 weeks showed up at my house at 7 AM. I was about to give him a kiss when he said, "Good morning, is Sarah here?" I was confused until I realized he didn't recognize me because I had no make up on. FML

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML

Richard

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

Today, I was trying to seduce a really good-looking girl, when all of a sudden she leaned in towards me and said, “Sorry, I’m not drunk enough to make out with you.“ FML

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

Today, I woke up from an erotic fantasy about my boss. Today was also the day he wanted to have a nice long chat about my future with the company. I couldn't even look him in the eye. FML

Today, at work I did inventory with my boss. He did the top shelves and I did the bottom ones. By the end, my knees were dirty and sore. I went home and my roommate asked me how my day went. I absent-mindedly said, "My boss had me on my knees all day." He hasn't stopped laughing. FML