Today, I woke up and my boyfriend was already awake. Feeling in the mood I slipped off my nightdress and looked him in the eye. He looked me up and down, smiled seductively, reached over... and turned his PS3 on. FML
Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML
Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me so he could sleep with my mom without feeling guilty. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my amazing boyfriend. As we were getting dressed, I realized I had lost my bra. After intense searching I finally found it and put it on. It wasn't mine. FML
Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML
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