FartingCows

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Fartingcows's favorite FMLs

Mixed signals

By PinkTornado - 17/03/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend, after three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he said, ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me.'' FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 846

You deserved it 97 631

By ElizaZee - 19/09/2013 01:45 - United States - Malvern

Today, I helped my brother propose to his girlfriend of 5 years in the spot where they had first met. As he delivered his heartfelt speech, a sizable crowd appeared. When he got down on one knee, she punched him in the gut, yelled, "I never loved you", and ran away. Now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 001

You deserved it 3 435

ElizaZee tells us more.

ElizaZee 9

Friday 18 October 2013 1:57

Hi, I'm the OP. Anyway, from what we've pieced together based on the accounts of family and friends, his girlfriend stayed with him for five years because she was a gold digger. My brother is fairly rich, and he always gave her expensive jewelry because he loved her so much. She would always wear the jewelry, but then it would mysteriously disappear after a few months. We suspect she was selling it, and basically using him. Also, we didn't think she stayed faithful to him, but he never listened. I guess she was off loving another man while my brother was unsuspectingly giving her jewelry that she could then sell. In other words, she's a bitch, and it's a good thing overall that she said no.

By Anonymous - 10/09/2013 18:30 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 661

You deserved it 4 584

By Anonymous - 09/09/2013 23:58 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 447

You deserved it 13 836

Classic FML

By cpmolly - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Omaha

Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 563

You deserved it 17 435