Miscellaneous: Someone clogged the toilet this morning, and everybody says it...

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By Jarwilem - 18/03/2016 22:56 - United States - Lees Summit

Someone clogged the toilet this morning, and everybody says it wasn't them. Instead of unclogging it, my brothers decide to pile their own shit on top of it. FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

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Today, I was riding my bike to the local grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner. On the way down, traveling down a hill, I hit a drain with no lid. I went to grab hold of the nearest object to soften my fall. That nearest object was a barbed wire fence. FML

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Today, I saw my cat lying in the bathroom. A few seconds later, I noticed that he looked like he was dead. After going into a panic and quickly running to make sure he was okay, he woke up and glared at me. Later, he was sleeping in the exact same position, and I once again though he was dead. This cat, I swear… FML

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Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

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Today, I explained to my teenage daughter that enough was enough and she needed to start shaving her armpits again, stating it was unladylike and unsanitary. Her only response was, "If it's so unsanitary, why don't you make my brother do it?" I give up. FML

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Today, I spent nearly an hour thawing out my car and driving to work in this stupid freezing rain, only to find out that I'm now unemployed due to budget cuts. FML

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