Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML
Today, I had my second miscarriage. My husband responded by throwing a bitch fit because I "totally blindsided him with this miscarriage shit” knowing he wanted kids, and if he'd known he wouldn’t have married me in the first place. He threw his wedding band in the trash and stormed off. FML
Today, I laughed so hard at a show, I threw up all over myself. The show in question? iCarly. FML
Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML
Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML
Today, my alarm rang just as I was about to have a wet dream with my husband. This is the closest I got to having sex in weeks. FML
Today, while I was at work at a nursing home I was attempting to dress a woman for bed. She popped me a left hook and I had to ask the nurse to look at my jaw. After my nurse said I was okay she asked me to continue getting the woman dressed for bed. She hit me 5 more times. FML
Please share with us what you said and we can all use it!!!!
I once spoke to a telemarketer, and the whole time I just kept going "choo choo choo", until he asked me if I was ok. I then proceeded to cry and called him a bad man for making fun of me. lol