Your everyday life stories - FML

calgarygal - 23/11/2016 02:53

Today, I found out the little blue thing that my roommate has been sterilizing by boiling in our shared coffee maker, is a menstrual cup. FML

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Fashionable

paaaallllmmmssss - 26/09/2015 03:40 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML

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Not respected anymore

Anonymous - - Australia

Today, as a respected artist, I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

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shutup shutup shutup don't wanna hear it - 08/11/2016 00:43 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML

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Anonymous - 13/07/2019 06:30

Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML

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beccadabeast - 30/06/2014 06:44 - United States - Mesa

Today, I sped off down the road, then realized to my horror that my cat was clinging to the roof of the car. FML

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XavierLing - 23/07/2019 06:00

Today, my thigh was itchy, so I went into a bathroom stall to scratch it. I, for some reason, moaned out loud while doing it. After that, the men's bathroom went completely silent. FML

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Lockout - 31/08/2015 20:01 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I thought I'd locked my house keys in my locker at work. Not having any replacement nearby, I decided to cut the padlock with the saw of my pocket-knife. It took 20 minutes and four cuts into my hand to destroy the padlock. It took another five seconds to find the missing key in my jacket. FML

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Pay up

Anonymous - 20/08/2015 04:16 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

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Late night customers are the worst

viviham - 04/05/2012 12:08 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

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Anonymous - 03/09/2010 21:00 - United States

Today, I got fired for taking time off to see my sister in the hospital after she got in a car accident. Before I got fired, I found out my boss took time off because her horoscope said she should. FML

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Bilibók Renáta - 16/08/2019 14:00

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

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Denial

twinArmageddon2 - - United States - El Cajon

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

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Anonymous - 30/08/2010 06:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML

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fmylife - 26/08/2010 10:09 - Malaysia

Today, I downloaded porn and saved it on my desktop. After watching it, I couldn't delete it, and now it is stuck on the desktop. It is a shared computer. FML

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eh. - 27/08/2019 17:55

Today, my period started one week early, and I don’t have access to any hygiene products besides toilet paper for 3 days. FML

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eh

eh 4

Tuesday 27 August 2019 17:52

First of all I have bought enough products for my period. I’m on vacation on a boat with 3 men who don’t know squat about periods. We were supposed to pack light and my period doesn’t normally come 9 days early and I don’t carry a week’s worth of tampons every where I go. I did have one to last me for 10 hours but I can’t use that for 3 days

Bananapi - 10/09/2017 13:00

Today, my flatmate moved in with me. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to me, so did her mother. FML

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Anonymoose - 19/08/2016 20:06

Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML

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Alas, poor Tiddles

SonOfACatKiller - 19/09/2019 08:00 - United States - Juno

Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML

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Can't win

Anonymous - 24/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

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ShadowBox - 12/03/2013 16:43 - Netherlands - Herveld

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

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ShadowBox

ShadowBox 8

Monday 1 July 2013 8:37

I still tend to have weird dreams like these occasionally, except now they're less Romantic-Comedy, more Saw. -_- On the bright side, I did meet someone a few weeks ago ^.^ Nothing official but we're getting there.

Mixed signals

PinkTornado - 17/03/2009 14:20 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend, after three long weeks of him ignoring me and cancelling out on time we were supposed to spend with each other. He looked at me with the most confused look on his face. Then he said, ''Are you serious? I was planning the perfect day to ask you to marry me.'' FML

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You won't know him, he goes to a different school

jennavankirk - - United States

Today, I lied to a group of 8 year-olds about having a boyfriend. FML

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NO MORE!

cat whisperer - 20/03/2014 04:31 - United States

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

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BetterThanWastingItIGuess - 11/11/2017 13:00 - Panama - Panama

Today, after almost a year of working two jobs, I managed to save up $2,000. I decided to treat myself to a week in Japan, but while walking to the Japanese Embassy to exchange my dollars for yen, I got robbed at gunpoint. I had the money in cash. FML

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Back-seat parenting

Anonymous - 18/10/2019 14:00

Today, I yelled at my oldest son for picking his little brother up by the throat. Only to then be yelled at my my mother-in-law for hurting his feelings. FML

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WTF?

Raspution - 16/06/2019 04:42

Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML

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To each his own

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 07/09/2022 19:00

Today, I found out my awesome new boyfriend loves a show called Happy Tree Friends, about cutesy animals dying horribly. When I say "loves", I mean he masturbates to it. I'm running very fast and very far away now. FML

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Felt so bad

princessmia - 13/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Sequim

Today, my little brother played my phone, and then accidentally sent a nude photo of mine to our step-dad, and now I have to spend all day with him and my mom on a road trip. FML

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Anonymous - 25/05/2010 23:33 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML

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Today, I'm so bad at people skills when I got a call to set up a job interview, I weirded the lady out so much that she trailed off when talking about emailing me a time. This took 2 minutes to achieve. A new record. I still haven't got an email. FML

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Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML

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Today, I had a panic attack at 2 a.m. because someone decided to throw a snowball at my window. FML

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Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

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Today, I overheard my parents discussing whether or not they could trust me being alone in the house for 2 days. They then came to the decision that I'm too unpopular and unattractive to ever throw a wild party or get laid. FML

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