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    : 320



    Anonymous - 20/10/2015 14:40 - United Kingdom - Oxford

    Today, I went to the print shop to get some work printed. The guy serving me printed my entire order wrong because he pushed the wrong button, so it had to be done again. He tried to charge me a fine for the mistake he made because "it's not a viable business otherwise". FML
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    htothecr - 03/05/2009 21:05 - United States

    Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML
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    Paramedic - 17/11/2009 11:16 - United Kingdom

    Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML
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    Stressed out

    mystermoon - 25/06/2019 16:00

    Today, at my job in a pet store, my boss had me pull all the bags of food out and restock them so that they sat pretty. Five minutes later, the store is full of people. My manager screamed, "They're touching things!" and locked himself in the office with a cup of tea. He has the only open register. FML
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    Anonymous - 13/10/2010 15:28 - United Kingdom

    Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML
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    drugdealersgf - 02/12/2016 06:55

    Today, my boyfriend told me, with complete confidence, that he's selected "drug dealer" as his career of choice. FML
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    Dan223 - 01/10/2015 13:26 - United States

    Today, I saw my dad for the first time in almost five years, at his funeral. FML
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    anon - 28/09/2015 03:27 - United States - Orange Park

    Today, I thought my wife and I would reconcile after being separated for eight months. We ended up sleeping together after a dinner date, but she told told me afterwards that she still wanted a divorce. FML
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    Colin Jr. - 23/09/2015 13:24 - United States

    Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
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    Imwalkinghere - 04/11/2016 01:26 - United States

    Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML
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    Anonymous - 12/09/2015 20:50 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

    Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML
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    beyondembarrassed - 05/05/2013 05:44 - United States

    Today, I tried to show my boyfriend's mom a picture of my prom dress on my phone. She scrolled to the right to find a picture of her son, naked. FML
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    siddance - 04/09/2015 18:08 - United States - San Diego

    Today, I had an extreme panic attack in the middle of class. I interrupted another person's presentation, burst into tears, and ran out of class whilst everyone looked at me. FML
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    Hard pass

    Gioia - - Bulgaria - Vidin

    Today, I was so nervous about a first date that while trying to break a silence in the beginning, I asked, "So, you afraid of any insects?" No wonder I didn't get a second date. FML
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    badtiming - 15/09/2010 04:15 - United States

    Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML
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    What are you doing?

    puppylove - 03/08/2019 16:00 - Philippines

    Today, my mom caught me absentmindedly staring at my puppy's butthole. She'd also been standing there for 5 minutes. FML
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    longdistancemyass - 11/08/2017 23:15

    Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is currently dating a girl who lives in Korea. We broke up because I was moving to a different part of the city for college and he thought the distance would be "too much." FML
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    Bawsack - 26/09/2016 10:10 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

    Today, it's my last day at my job because I'm moving to another city. My boss handed me a card and chocolates. The same boss that didn't sign the card because, "Even though you're a great employee, I probably won't remember your name in a fortnight." I've been there three years. FML
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    Anonymous - 21/08/2015 16:07 - United States - San Leandro

    Today, after months of taking care of my grandma after a surgery, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health, and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. She passed away while I was at home. FML
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    do you want a bag - 24/09/2016 04:48 - Canada - Surrey

    Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML
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    ambiiii - 20/08/2015 03:25 - United States - Marble Falls

    Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML
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    Jessie - 22/08/2019 12:01 - United Kingdom - Brighton

    Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
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    Pranked

    Hakimstah - 21/04/2012 17:38 - Lebanon

    Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
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    ItchItchBaby - 09/09/2017 13:00

    Today, 2 hours before a 13-hour flight, I found out I had head lice. I'm a 24-year-old woman. FML
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    MAKE IT STOOOOOP!

    Anonymous - 16/08/2010 05:14 - United States

    Today, for my mom's birthday, we went camping. At night, my mom and her boyfriend decided to have "Birthday Sex" because they thought everyone was asleep. Trying to not make it awkward for me and my friend that I brought along, I kept still. Soon, I heard my friend going to town on herself. FML
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    Anonymous - 26/04/2014 05:57 - Canada

    Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML
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    Wide words

    julia - 11/06/2011 11:12 - United States

    Today, my five year-old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML
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    touristtraphotel - 11/08/2016 18:58 - Puerto Rico

    Today, my former boss is threatening to keep my last paycheck until I return a skateboard that a guest forgot at the hotel about a month ago. She was the one who gave me the order to put it in the trash. FML
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    Melting in Texas - 09/08/2016 18:56

    Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML
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    Syferix - 18/03/2009 22:42 - United States

    Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML
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    Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML
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    Today, my boyfriend threw me into his pool. I had my phone and iPod in my pockets. FML
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    Today, I posted in one of my groups about my lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, and took a pic of my feet to show some of the problems that come along with these diseases (like we all do). Facebook actually covered it, saying it could be offensive! Well damn, talk about their double standards on bullying. FML
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    Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML
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    Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML
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    Today, after scrubbing every surface twice a week for a month, I finally found the source of the pee smell in my bathroom. Under the toilet. The people who built our house didn't think it was necessary to seal around the toilet. There was two years of pee under there. FML
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