The Top

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By cookieman - 06/01/2017 11:52

Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I've bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, "I gave you the senior's discount." Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 475

You deserved it 1 328

By unluckysamaritan - 15/10/2016 08:51 - Sweden

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 525

You deserved it 989

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 798

You deserved it 57 319

By coinceducul - 24/01/2016 17:31 - France

Today, I had to take my parents to the hospital after a failed attempt at a Kamasutra position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 11/10/2016 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of arguing and conflict, I broke up wIth my fiancé. Or at least, I tried to. The wedding's off, but only until he can convince me to want to marry him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 423

You deserved it 2 403

Wrong size

By ali927truthh - 12/01/2020 03:00

Today, when I finally got delivered the new kitchen table that I ordered online a week ago, I found out that it was actually a kitchen table for a dollhouse, as I forgot to check the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 2 723

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 13:44 - Canada

Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 182

You deserved it 1 694

Debate pervert

By Canuckster - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was invited into a group chat on Skype. Everyone ignored everything I said, so I got pissed and started yelling at them. Then I realised my microphone wasn't plugged in right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 763

You deserved it 58 526

By Anonymous - 19/08/2019 06:01

Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 096

You deserved it 236

By Nikki - 05/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 797

You deserved it 67 529

By newkid - 13/09/2016 19:06

Today, I was so lonely, I dragged out a conversation with a lady who called to get me to make an appointment to give blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 904

You deserved it 1 348

Here, take these

By Gvinson36 - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, as they were being dropped off, I was informed that I'll be taking care of my grandparents' two cats. My apartment complex doesn't allow pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 916

You deserved it 332

By heather - 20/06/2011 22:25 - Canada

Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 723

You deserved it 10 435

Crank

By Anonymous - 29/03/2013 04:11 - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 741

You deserved it 21 497

Moving on

By Peekaman - 15/08/2010 22:31 - United States

Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 046

You deserved it 42 488

Risky business

By Sam - 07/05/2021 02:01

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 234

You deserved it 146

Thanks!

By thenanny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - East Syracuse

Today, I got a very nice compliment on my bra. But it was from a 5 year-old after her 6 month-old brother threw up on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 593

You deserved it 1 045

Fair point

By beenawhile - 20/09/2019 04:03 - United States - Boston

Today, my 17 year-old brother asked me if I used birth control. When I told him I did, he responded, "Isn't that like using an inhalor when you don't have asthma?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 630

You deserved it 227

By thisreallysucks2 - 23/03/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 744

You deserved it 24 401

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

By hippie88 - 05/10/2019 04:00 - United States - New York

Today, I figured out why I've used triple the amount of cellphone minutes than I usually do over the past month since moving out. Is it because I suddenly have a social life now that I'm living on my own? No. All those calls were made to my mom because I'm lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 363

Happy anniversary!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 14:00 - United States

Today, it's my husband's and my first wedding anniversary. I came home from work hoping for at least a bouquet of flowers, only to find my husband passed out on the couch, with a few beer cans next to him. I guess I missed the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 806

You deserved it 233

Very funny, Dad

By Anonymous - 20/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 690

You deserved it 4 635

Working too hard!

By Sudoc - 03/12/2017 05:00

Today, after spending 6 hours straight working on a project at school, I decided to call it a night. The instant I set foot out of the lab, the building started screaming. The maintenance guy had set the alarm without telling me. The police had to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 027

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 18/09/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, I was in my psychology class taking the hardest test ever. After I spent most of the period trying to fill in the few answers that I knew, I looked up to see everyone with their notebooks on their desks. It was an open-note test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 085

You deserved it 58 255

By BrownDump - 14/05/2011 10:43 - United States

Today, I was taking a dump and I pushed so hard that I got light headed and passed out on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 346

You deserved it 14 200

I'm in a hurry

By Anonymous - 20/01/2020 20:00

Today, I was working in my store. Right around closing, a lady came in to try some things on. I went to the back and when I came out, she was standing in the middle of the room with fluid coming from between her legs. I asked her if she was going into labor. She wasn't. She was peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 559

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 08:40 - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 933

You deserved it 7 352

Boundaries, dude!

By JoeBidenIsMyFIL - 02/03/2020 18:00

Today, I had to physically restrain my girlfriend from assaulting my father after he drunkenly poked her in the ribs for the fifth time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 384

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:21 - Australia

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 790

You deserved it 72 274

By cieee - 13/02/2012 07:09 - United States

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 939

You deserved it 5 077

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 367

You deserved it 3 969

Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won't be able to finish until I go brush my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 615

You deserved it 41 675

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 169

Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 211

You deserved it 2 110

Today, a journal article I'd written was identified as an "AI-written" article, even though I've never used any AI tools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 116

Today, I went to write "Happy Bday, I Love You" on my girlfriend's car windows to surprise her when she woke up. I was the one who got the surprise when I saw her, in her backseat, having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 942

You deserved it 3 737