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WTF are you doing?

By onlyolivia - 11/02/2016 19:55 - United States - Laurel

Today, we had some workers come to paint my office building. As a receptionist, it's my job to stock the fridge with soda. I walked into the supply closet just in time to find a worker peeing in a bucket. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I understood what was happening and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 772

You deserved it 1 388

By single again - 06/09/2013 00:29 - United States - Chico

Today, I'm a police officer who had the honor of arresting my girlfriend of 3 months for prostitution. All of my coworkers at the station know her and won't stop giving me judging looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 145

You deserved it 5 308

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 14:23 - Canada

Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 070

You deserved it 37 196

Hicks

By >_< - 30/08/2013 22:56 - United States - Richmond

Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 661

You deserved it 6 337

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 11:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 704

You deserved it 13 309

By CaptMacLeod - 26/01/2016 09:18 - United States - Lancaster

Today, after weeks of eating in the same restaurant, I finally worked up the nerve to ask the super-cute cashier for her phone number. "Aw, how cute. Do you have an older brother?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 703

You deserved it 2 157

By lolilovemyboyfriend - 19/10/2011 14:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 015

You deserved it 18 574

By Iguana - 12/09/2012 02:35 - Canada - Oromocto

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 722

You deserved it 28 801

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 315

You deserved it 2 884

By Magicfml - 05/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Toledo

Today, I learned that my boyfriend is a better pole dancer than I am, despite daily practice. This was his first time trying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 304

You deserved it 1 038

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 940

You deserved it 75 327

Sorry not sorry

By Klamp18 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I attached fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 120

You deserved it 54 931

By Prinpette - 20/09/2011 21:20 - France

Spicy

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 390

You deserved it 40 507

Helpful

By Big bootay - 28/01/2019 16:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year-old son pointed at a lady and exclaimed, “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 243

You deserved it 367

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 673

You deserved it 7 409

By "jonnybones223" - 08/03/2019 04:00

Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of his little boy. I assumed he meant me, since I landed an apprenticeship in the same union he's worked in for 25 years. Turns out he was speaking about his cat, who left a dead squirrel next to my bed. I stepped on the damn thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 233

What am I doing with my life?

By KasSmoke - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Justin

Today, I was flipping out because I couldn't find my wallet, and after several hours of cussing myself out, I went downstairs to make breakfast. I poured cereal into my bowl and my wallet flopped out with the Honey Nut Cheerios. I need to stop drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 443

You deserved it 38 405

By LOTRfail - 27/07/2012 02:13 - United States - Malden

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 349

You deserved it 4 082

Let's get loud

By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 07:36 - Reserved

Spicy

Today, my parents asked me if I had a nice time with my girlfriend at the amusement park I took her to yesterday. She was pretty freaked out by some of the rides so without thinking I said, "Yeah, but she sure is a screamer." My parents then exchange a look and say, "Oh trust us, we know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 737

You deserved it 32 244

By elena02 - 21/11/2015 19:45 - United States - Wayne

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 455

You deserved it 2 972

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 08:51 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 990

You deserved it 1 677

By areyoukiddingme - 02/11/2015 05:54 - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 086

You deserved it 2 191

By Emily - 21/08/2011 04:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 743

You deserved it 42 705

By badteacher - 24/10/2010 05:26 - United States

Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 859

You deserved it 52 691

By Thanks a lot - 23/10/2015 01:27 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 407

You deserved it 2 016

Underage boozing

By drunk under 18 teenager - 19/08/2014 13:37 - Morocco - Marrakech

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was, if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 096

You deserved it 50 325

By Oriianna Raiinbow - 23/10/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, talking to my boyfriend about each others families, we noticed we both had an aunt with the same name. After a while of trying to figure things out, we decide to call her. Turns out that we are long distance cousins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 832

You deserved it 4 584

By Sara777boo - 16/08/2014 18:43 - United States - Sherwood

Spicy

Today, I had to awkwardly grab my pink dildo after my husband's friend asked what it was that my dog was chewing on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 482

You deserved it 13 725

Sara777boo tells us more.

Sara777boo 3

Sunday 17 August 2014 18:23

This is my post, and let me explain :) I didn't realize it had fallen under the bed from the last nights sexy time. My dog found it and took it to her room before I even knew. But oh did my husbands fried spot it right away!

By Imagino1234 - 14/12/2016 18:52 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my mother sent off a handmade Christmas wreath I made for my 70-year-old grandmother. It wasn't until after it was sent that we realized the box it was packed in was originally for adult diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 918

You deserved it 1 262

By Anonymous - 31/05/2013 04:20 - United States - Murfreesboro

Spicy

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 555

You deserved it 5 071

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The Top

The Top

Today, I went home with the guy I’ve been casually seeing. His place was a disgusting pigsty so I made an excuse to leave. Later he texted me, ending things. Online I saw him bitching about how no one can pass his “girlfriend test” and that a real woman would happily clean for her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 64

Please don't make me get up.

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 100

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 061

You deserved it 12 975

Today, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I can only have sex with really fat men, because that’s what turns me on, yet as soon as the sex is over, through no fault of theirs, I have to run to the toilet to be sick because I can’t believe what I just had sex with. I’m so messed up in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 2 585

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 127

You deserved it 13 540

Today, I attempted to assemble a piece of furniture that boasted "easy, step-by-step instructions." Three hours later, surrounded by mismatched screws and a confusing diagram, I realized the only thing "easy" about it was my decision to ask my dad to come round and assemble it for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 427