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OP here. I probably should’ve clarified this- she is not afraid of birds. The barn always has pigeons in it. She wasn’t afraid of the pigeon. The pigeon had gotten into a separate part of the barn that it isn’t supposed to be in. She was trying to get it out and decided the best way to do that was scream like a banshee until it left, which only made problems worse.

Awkward parenting

By Anthony - 14/04/2016 23:15 - France

Today, on a train, a little boy and a little girl came up to me and asked how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appeared and said, "Go on, tell them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 268

You deserved it 1 673

By Anonymous - 04/02/2016 22:19

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 283

You deserved it 2 579

By Nafypoo - 21/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was playing competitively for my clan in a tournament. Money is involved, and I was doing quite well until my girlfriend up and turned the PS4 off because I wasn't "paying enough attention" to her, despite being on a holiday with her for the previous 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 514

You deserved it 945

By backtosquareone - 04/04/2017 08:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after months of searching, I was offered a job. After hearing how excited I was on the phone, HR docked the initial salary offer by 40% in the written contract. She said it was non-negotiable. Guess I'm back to job hunting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 663

You deserved it 479

By BX - 17/10/2015 12:09 - Netherlands

Today, I found out the hard way that if you spontaneously begin to lose weight, you may have cancer, not an increased metabolism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 113

You deserved it 1 815

Caught in 1080p

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend came over. We'd planned on losing out virginities today. What we didn't plan on was having my 9-year-old brother and his friends making a video of "What teens do when no one is home." They taped the whole thing, including the five minutes it took us to get the condom on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 024

You deserved it 950

By Alessan - 26/05/2017 21:00 - Italy

Today, I was checking out a cute guy who finally approached me. He says to me, "Hi excuse me, I've been watching you for a little while, and I finally got the courage to ask you this question...who is your esthetician? I want to get my eyebrows done like yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 136

You deserved it 440

No uggos

By confiancedecrise - 22/05/2017 16:00

Today, I was texting a girl I was interested in and we exchanged Instagram names. She ghosted me right after. She's the fourth girl to have done this to me in the past month. I guess I'm unattractive, but at least I'm good at texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 829

You deserved it 420

By sisisathief - 28/05/2017 08:00 - United States - Concord

Today, I caught my sister taking money from my wallet. When I confronted her, she claimed that she was actually putting back money that she had stolen earlier. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 255

You deserved it 302

By Lady Vulva - 19/09/2015 02:56

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 038

You deserved it 3 087

By 90 up I-95 - 07/07/2017 20:00 - United States - State College

Today, I was wrapping up my move in a 16-foot truck with my car in tow. Google rerouted me to avoid traffic... through a state park. The road had only one lane. I can still hear the phalanx of cars honking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 503

You deserved it 861

Thanks, lady

By Anonymous - 12/10/2017 23:15

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 404

You deserved it 273

Freakout

By DisgustingCreatures - 04/08/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 628

You deserved it 1 176

By dannydane - 27/11/2017 21:45

Today, after not being active on Instagram in over two years, I was broken up with by my fiancé for following a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 990

You deserved it 559

dannydane tells us more.

dannydane 9

Friday 24 November 2017 10:09

Take this in. You ready for this? A meme page. Memes. A guy just so happened to run it.

By meh - 17/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 011

You deserved it 4 899

By Sady_Ct - 16/06/2016 11:01 - Australia - Geelong

Today, I was once again called a "selfish bitch" because I don't want kids, even though I can't provide for them mentally, emotionally, physically or financially. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 426

You deserved it 1 698

Sady_Ct tells us more.

Sady_Ct 37

Friday 17 June 2016 2:55

Hey guys, OP here... Wow! My first FML posted. To explain the situation, I was talking with my mum about how I'm unable to have kids due to physical issues with my body, my spine etc, all of which contribute to my financial and mental/emotional state. When some psycho storms up to me in the food court and screamed at me. What I actually do is help build the education funds for my nieces for when they grow up. Thanks for the support for everyone who understands... I get it on a weekly basis from everyone, including my partners family, and really gets under the skin. My father told me on his birthday at the start of the month that if I'm not pregnant by the end of the year he doesn't want to see me any more.. It's hard and it hurts, but i would never put a child of mine through what I went through. Thanks again for all your support! ^_^

By Watsausrname - 14/06/2016 02:31

Today, I was using the restroom at a gas station when someone hurriedly knocked on the door. Thinking that it was my sister, I playfully said, "Hold up, hoe!" I opened the door to see a goth woman with an edgy haircut giving me a death stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 831

You deserved it 6 014

By Anonymous - 12/06/2016 12:37 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 636

You deserved it 2 194

By Anonymous - 11/05/2016 15:53 - United States - Franklin

Today, I found out I owe the IRS over $2,000 because of a mistake they made. Their "apology" basically amounted to "Oops, our bad. Now pay up or you're gonna be Bubba's new bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 612

You deserved it 1 334

By probablyadopted1 - 04/05/2016 16:39 - United States - Houston

Today, my family savagely mocked me to the point of tears, all for using "big", "fancy" words like "accommodations" and "hospitality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 410

You deserved it 1 484

Foot meet mouth

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 15:44 - United States - Ridley Park

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said, "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 468

You deserved it 7 855

By Anonymous - 25/09/2018 16:00 - Australia

Today, I only discovered that a wasp was caught in the crotch of my undies when I put them on. It didn't like being teabagged very much and in retaliation stung the nearest target, my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 114

You deserved it 354

Unfortunate coincidences

By FBI1236 - 07/07/2019 20:00 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 700

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 07:19 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 008

You deserved it 1 914

By mcsicky - 28/04/2017 09:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I was feeling ill when I woke up. While on the bus to work, I threw up into a plastic cup. I had to sit for half an hour holding an open, very full, warm cup of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 768

You deserved it 577

siggy_mcsigx tells us more.

siggy_mcsigx 22

Monday 24 April 2017 12:20

It was a coach bus and I was sitting at the back, meaning I would have had to walk up an aisle of eyes and stand up there waiting for the driver to find a suitable place (not easy on irish country roads). Thanks tho :)