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Unfortunate coincidences

By FBI1236 - 07/07/2019 20:00 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 700

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 07:19 - United States - Federal Way

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 008

You deserved it 1 914

By Ana - 25/04/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, I called in my parents to look at pictures from my recent trip on my laptop. It wasn’t until after they left that I realized I had left a tab open with the title “20 Things You’ll Understand if You’ve Ever Had Anal Sex.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 295

You deserved it 2 594

By patate - 02/05/2017 20:00

Today, I was yelled at and almost fired for showing up "late" to work. I was the first one here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 831

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 15/05/2017 02:00

Today, after I caught my husband cheating and lying, he had the nerve to claim it wasn't a big deal because, "I always come home to you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 542

You deserved it 403

Nice to put a face to the screaming!

By dormlyfe - 24/09/2015 02:23 - United States - Moraga

Today, I met new people at my dorm, only to find they already knew me because they listen to my boyfriend and me have sex all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 044

You deserved it 22 942

Average ICE agent

By Anonymous - 14/08/2017 13:00

Today, my girlfriend's dad refused to give me permission to marry his daughter because I'm "covered in gang tattoos" and he doesn't want his daughter marrying a criminal. The only tattoos I have are the Game of Thrones direwolf and a quote from the Lord of the Rings movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 383

You deserved it 1 498

Life imitates life

By Anonymous - 20/08/2015 17:48 - United Kingdom - Glenrothes

Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 185

You deserved it 2 584

By tool - 09/04/2009 06:03 - United States

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 912

You deserved it 143 229

By Anonymous - 14/04/2014 20:12 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 694

You deserved it 8 178

By Cat lover - 23/12/2017 01:30

Today, after 25 years living with my dad, who is highly allergic to cats, I was finally able to adopt two kittens to live in my new place, just like I have always wanted. Guess who else is highly allergic to cats? Me, it seems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 516

You deserved it 1 005

Yuck.

By bdsam - 23/01/2018 06:00

Today, I found out that the sleeping mask I'd been using for months was actually part of a BDSM kit. I found the rest of it in my dad's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 418

You deserved it 1 266

Panic!

By not amused - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Cork

Today, my dad woke me up in a panic at five to ten in the morning, because he couldn't figure out how to type the "@" in an e-mail address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 342

You deserved it 1 520

By Batman - 09/09/2018 23:30

Today, I finished my 83-page thesis for my Stanford class and put it on my desk. Then, as a prank, my girlfriend hid it. She forgot where she put it. The thesis is due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 742

You deserved it 667

Enjoyed yourself I see

By Anonameow - 15/03/2016 18:42 - United States - Freeland

Today, after lots of overcast weather, we opened the blinds to the children's section in the library, to let in the beautiful sunshine. Fifteen preschoolers were greeted by the sight of a used condom plastered against the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 779

You deserved it 1 637

I should?

By potatoehead178 - 28/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Fairfield

Today, while I finished my business with my girlfriend, she asked if I used Viagra. I replied, "No I never use Viagra." She responded with, "You should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 184

You deserved it 420

By Anonymous - 23/09/2018 14:00

Today, my boyfriend proudly showed me that he's put me in his favourites contact list on his phone with a heart image. Cute, but I saw another contact on the list with a heart image as well: his favourite take out restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 646

You deserved it 748

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 791

You deserved it 2 333

Pleased to meet you

By Anonymous - 15/09/2013 19:53 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 112

You deserved it 31 390

By OhDearGodGrandad - 07/02/2016 17:59 - United Kingdom - Ilford

Today, I saw my grandfather on the train, with his cock out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 837

You deserved it 2 144

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 10:00

Today, I accidentally uploaded a video of me pleasing myself to my Snapchat story. Five people saw it before I could take it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 099

You deserved it 15 252

By stupid - 24/12/2018 18:00

Today, after turning in a paper that I worked really hard on, I got it back with a grade of 0. In the feedback section, my professor wrote: “In all my 37 years of teaching, this is by far the worst essay I have ever read.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 706

By Ohshit - 17/05/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 421

You deserved it 92 842

Wake up!

By Yippie - 02/05/2017 22:00 - Spain - Alcalá De Guadaira

Today, when I woke up, I quickly pulled the bed sheet with my right arm to get out of the bed. I failed to notice that a big portion of the sheet was pinned under my body. My arm dislocated and I fainted because of the pain. Great way to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 839

You deserved it 735

By Ifuckdup - 25/05/2017 00:00

Today, I asked my classmate if she was ready for the final tomorrow and she said it was yesterday. I'm not a bad student - I have 90+ average in the class - but the final was 50% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 560

You deserved it 1 902

Eat the rich

By dysfunctional_ravenclaw - 01/06/2017 15:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I was driving up to a Four Seasons, not to stay, but to attend a work event that was already paid for. I did look a little out of place in my Toyota Corolla amongst the luxury SUVs, but was nonplussed when a man came up to me, knocked on my window, and said, "The Motel 6 is over there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 843

You deserved it 444

By Bear - 10/07/2017 04:30

Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers asked if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 766

You deserved it 384

Running on empty

By Dehydrated - 01/09/2015 11:07 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "Five more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 590

You deserved it 2 775

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 08:50 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my doctor died. Last week, after a check up I'd had because I was worried about a cough, he told me not to worry because I was as healthy as he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 011

You deserved it 1 978

By broken - 23/09/2016 01:52 - United States - Arcata

Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 082

You deserved it 1 100

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 394

You deserved it 2 258

Today, at work, I booked a vet appointment for an African Gray to get a birth control implant. I didn’t even know that was a thing and I definitely never thought that a parrot would have a more active sex life than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 182

Today, it's been two years since my dad died on my birthday. Last year I was able to be out of the US on the day thanks to rewards points, because I don't want to be around my normal boring routine the day of. This year I could have made it if my car's repair cost less than $600. Turns out it's going to cost $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 103

Today, I had my high school piano recital. The entire time I was playing, one of my classmates sitting up front kept booing me and yelling "YOU SUCK" at the top of his lungs. He drowned out the entire song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 162

You deserved it 249

Today, I attempted to break the record for the heaviest squat in my local gym. A small crowd witnessed me breaking the record as well as releasing a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 859

You deserved it 5 838

Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 108