The Top

OP here--I'm quite happy with my life otherwise; I have great family, a place to live and food to eat, a job I really like. I'm just very lonely. However, in my experience with dating sites, I get very frustrated because many of the dates go nowhere (because of many different reasons, many of them objectively pertaining to the other party). I do not go out to bars/clubs, and even though I have a number of activities outside the house, they are majority female (kickboxing, walking group, female friends that don't know a lot of single males, etc). I feel like I'm really missing that special someone in my life, and want to do all I can to find him, but "dating" is just making me feel worse and worse about myself (over multiple years). So literally, I have no other choice that to be unhappy (in this area) and alone, or be horribly uncomfortable on dates with strangers (which are indeed few and far between to begin with). So **** all of you for saying i deserve it. maybe with some background you'll understand that character limitations don't show the whole story.

By Lara - 08/01/2016 11:28 - Germany - Bremen

Today, I went to the doctor's because I could feel something solid in my breasts, and I wanted to get it checked, just to be safe. Turns out it was my ribs. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 431

You deserved it 8 369

Sinner

By terry - 02/11/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and came back to glaring looks and stares. My screensaver had turned on, containing pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 240

You deserved it 52 834

How can I put this…?

By jkl54 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States - Salem

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the mall. We were looking at jewellery in Zales and she came across the engagement rings. She looks at one and says, "Are you kidding me? That ring is hideous and it's the most expensive one here! Who the fuck would buy that?" Well, that would be me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 359

You deserved it 6 721

By tkrause - 01/04/2013 17:17 - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 480

You deserved it 4 173

By superstar - 30/03/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered, and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man came in and asked if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 221

You deserved it 91 072

By Anonymous - 22/04/2014 03:00 - United States

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 392

You deserved it 15 567

Quick as rainbows

By bonehead69 - 31/05/2015 07:06 - United States - Taylorville

Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 713

You deserved it 5 415

Face the facts

By ugly - 15/04/2011 06:43 - Australia

Today, I was at the hairdresser's getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 069

You deserved it 3 381

Creative mind

By Dean Heffern - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill." He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 565

You deserved it 4 220

By Anonymous - 12/10/2013 06:19 - United States - Avon

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 477

You deserved it 3 561

By mimiani - 05/11/2011 23:58 - Nigeria

Today, I watched Change-Up with my dad. He made us leave half-way through the movie, because he thought I was too young to watch a movie this explicit. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 801

You deserved it 3 265

mimiani tells us more.

mimiani 7

Sunday 6 November 2011 15:12

I am a woman and it was really awkward watching it with my dad.

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 146

You deserved it 51 079

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 11:44 - Sweden

Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 220

You deserved it 6 116

By duhitskelly94 - 24/05/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I drove 150 miles to see one of my favorite singers in concert. Before I got out of the car I checked to make sure I had the tickets. Did I have the tickets? Yes. Were they for today's concert? Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 874

You deserved it 57 317

By wormsick - 06/12/2009 09:16 - United States

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tapeworms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 000

You deserved it 3 159

Back and forth

By Bellucy27 - 27/10/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After dodging cones in the parking lot and trying to open several doors while employees looked on, I checked the sign, which said "24 hours." I then realized it stated that the grand opening is tomorrow. I'm now sitting in my apartment, shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 571

You deserved it 26 508

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 15:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 040

You deserved it 10 131

By dammit33 - 28/05/2012 13:55 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 817

You deserved it 8 921

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 266

Today, my wife and I received confirmation that she has postpartum depression. When sharing this with the family, my mother exclaimed "I told you she was a psycho!" Now my wife is crying louder and more often than our newborn. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 704

You deserved it 3 616

Today, I accidentally hit an elderly man while driving. The police came, and five minutes later I was told that he confessed to walking in the middle of the road to get hit and claim compensation. He was fine, but I still got charged for hitting a pedestrian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 307

You deserved it 4 986

Today, I went to my father's house to get my dog, since I had left it with him while I was on a business trip. When I got there, my dad said the dog pooped on the floor a few days ago, and so he took him to the pound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 139

You deserved it 1 015

Today, while working as a masseur, a man requested a foot massage. This wouldn't have been an issue, had he not had at least 20 warts on his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 151

Today, I saw that my boyfriend of 3 years had posted pictures with the girl he says he “sees as a best friend” wearing matching pajamas. He’d told me he wasn’t into the pajamas thing when I wanted to do it. He doesn’t get why I’m upset and told me I’m overreacting about some silly post between “two best friends.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 149