The Top

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Pussy power

By Anonymous - 25/02/2013 17:57 - Canada - Fernie

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 181

You deserved it 8 167

By Nikki - 30/05/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 326

You deserved it 4 019

By Awkward... - 29/01/2013 09:40 - United States - Killeen

Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 290

You deserved it 5 005

By jonh_215 - 08/04/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 060

You deserved it 4 010

Lost

By p-man - 27/08/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 189

You deserved it 57 436

Bad boy

By twinkie2 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone, my dog nabbed it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 473

You deserved it 14 227

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 07:15 - United States - Petrolia

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 034

You deserved it 3 423

I've seen it all

By gspotter - 14/11/2014 21:58 - Canada - Verdun

Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 144

You deserved it 5 039

By Anonymous - 25/12/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, I invited my boss and his family over for dinner. As usual, I bought his kids Christmas' presents, nothing too fancy though. This year, he had one more that wasn't here last year. So I just pulled something from under the tree to hand him. He opened it on the spot. It was my son's PS3. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 012

You deserved it 52 279

By carless - 29/10/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 977

You deserved it 3 396

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, I was driving out to a concert I've been excited about for months. I was using my GPS to guide me to the venue. It decided to guide me to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 545

You deserved it 3 624

By failure - 29/07/2011 06:19 - United States

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 916

You deserved it 15 837

By AloneAgainNaturally - 09/09/2016 21:03 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 384

You deserved it 1 926

By Stinky. - 09/04/2012 03:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 735

You deserved it 2 750

By prin - 05/09/2009 06:30 - United States

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 615

You deserved it 5 832

By Yudansha - 14/02/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 96

Blind spot

By nicky - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 349

You deserved it 30 035

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 13:12 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 2 616

By Ouch - 29/07/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 284

You deserved it 6 813

By childdreamkiller - 08/12/2011 17:41 - Canada

Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 319

You deserved it 5 202

By Annoyed - 28/10/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 446

You deserved it 2 848

Riding high

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to a theme park. The first ride I went on broke down just as my cart reached the highest point. I had a nice view of my loving family laughing at me while management failed to fix the rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 195

You deserved it 2 064

By bribreeeeeezyfreshhh - 06/12/2010 17:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 949

You deserved it 27 214

Not now, dude

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 18:44 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 244

You deserved it 7 326

Be free

By Cora - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. His response was, "Thank god, finally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 326

You deserved it 9 334

By PetitPrincePerdu - 08/05/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 934

You deserved it 5 073

By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 14:23 - United States - Marshall

Today, I found my daughter's fanfiction account. I need a new pair of eyes, or brain bleach, or both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 946

You deserved it 5 555

By julie24 - 30/05/2014 02:30 - France

Today, I was partying with friends. At around midnight, I sent a text message to my friend to reassure her, saying that of course I could handle my drink. That's the last thing I can remember about the evening. It's a total blank from that point onwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 397

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 04:44 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 875

You deserved it 2 527

By leftbehind - 10/06/2011 11:40 - Colombia

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 886

You deserved it 3 261

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, while walking down the street I thought it would be funny to moon a crowd of old people taking a photo, in a few seconds a couple of them started pointing in my direction... Turns out they were pointing at the car that ran me over shortly after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 830

You deserved it 36 244

Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 825

You deserved it 3 162

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 265

You deserved it 2 214

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 243

You deserved it 337

Today, I got my new cooker delivered and installed. I followed the instructions in the manual, emptied it out, and turned the oven up full for 30 minutes. Twenty minutes later, the inner glass shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 471

You deserved it 287

Today, my husband dropped a bombshell when he served me divorce papers and a set of tests proving that our sons (7 and 9 years-old) are not his. I'm alone at home, scared shitless, and my poor kids don't understand where their dad is. I can't take them to their bio dad, since he died four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 1 414