Sex and Intimacy: Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best...

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 253

You deserved it 17 616

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 509

You deserved it 7 494

Frustrated girl

By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Al Ain City

Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 671

You deserved it 5 535

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 163

You deserved it 4 179

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 525

You deserved it 5 064

By Chakkamofo - 01/02/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 025

You deserved it 2 464

Like a virgin

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 17:01

Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 509

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 209

By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 4 944

By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 575

You deserved it 17 516

kate08_fml 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:14

that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously

silkee_shiny 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:19

Happy Birthday hun :)

Comments

Chewiie513 0

Saturday 21 January 2012 21:47

You deserve to get pleased on your birthday. Wether it's by someone or yourself.

crazycatgirl 0

Saturday 31 March 2012 20:44

Forever alone....x100000. Sorry, bro :/

ana_yari 0

Monday 8 October 2012 8:28

The fact that you live in Washington doesn't make it aby better... Try moving to Cali or Florida. To a more lively place where u will certainly get laid.