Sex and Intimacy: Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best...

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 02:03 - United States

Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110 253

You deserved it 17 616

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Same thing different taste

By TeeJay - 01/06/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 509

You deserved it 7 494

Frustrated girl

By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Al Ain City

Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 30/04/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 671

You deserved it 5 535

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 18:10 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 163

You deserved it 4 179

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 525

You deserved it 5 064

By Chakkamofo - 01/02/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 025

You deserved it 2 464

Like a virgin

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 17:01

Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 509

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 209

By soapysoap - 10/12/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 4 944

By reallyman__639 - 13/12/2011 12:26 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 575

You deserved it 17 516

kate08_fml 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:14

that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously

silkee_shiny 0

Thursday 30 April 2009 16:19

Happy Birthday hun :)

Comments

Rhyno1996 0

Monday 25 October 2010 8:36

*cough* awkward *cough*

MCKCWHITETIGER 0

Saturday 12 February 2011 18:10

umm...eewww???

autumnashea 0

Monday 21 March 2011 4:59

it wasn't the only present you should thank the shower head :D

AarionHailey 0

Monday 4 April 2011 15:38

... Uhh... That's something I'd love to know.

salmonbean 0

Sunday 8 May 2011 23:54

sounds like my science teacher

Soreeyeah 17

Saturday 30 July 2011 7:41

lets put it this way, some of the best orgasms I've had weren't as a result of a man! lol :-)) get a massaging shower head!

Late_night83 25

Sunday 2 October 2011 21:53

It's quite amazing actually! I had never been able to come in the shower till I experimented with the shower head, freaking amazing.

poazul6789 0

Monday 10 October 2011 6:55

awww! happy birthday:)

Bcfrmkc816 17

Friday 11 November 2011 8:42

We can both enjoy the shower ****** together

medicman91 0

Sunday 18 December 2011 5:29

I can fix that

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I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 67

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I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 155

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I agree, your life sucks 44 860

You deserved it 3 335