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Thank you for the ever-wise insight, 64, as your input is always appreciated and never ******* annoying due to your Captain Obvious-esque remarks. She is indeed moving out, by the way.

By Mimo - 23/06/2016 10:18 - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 662

You deserved it 2 037

By frustrated - 22/01/2013 07:20 - Australia - Mittagong

Today, my mother insisted I dress very smartly in suit attire for my first job interview at a hippy-style retail store. My interviewer wore a poncho. I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 179

You deserved it 7 049

By Anonymous - 12/03/2010 07:00 - Australia

Today, I thought I lost my wallet. Canceled my bank cards. Bought a new wallet. Got a $141 parking fine at the motor registry while getting my replacement license which also cost me $22. Went to go to the gym and when I went to put my bike jacket on, felt something inside the sleeve. My wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 016

You deserved it 31 764

Romie1985 tells us more.

Romie1985 0

Friday 12 March 2010 23:32

I actually did look for my wallet, spent over 3 hours looking for it in all obvious places, tore my house apart, checked my clothing pockets several times. It wasn't in the pocket, it fell down the sleeve of my motorcycle jacket. You say I'm an idiot yet half you people can't even read. "Should of checked your pockets". It was down in the sleeve not in the pocket.

By the customer is always a cunt - 20/12/2013 21:48 - United States - Sarasota

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 3 160

By Anonymous - 11/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 568

You deserved it 7 961

By Less - 07/03/2011 19:39 - Reserved

Today, I decided to improve my posture by sitting through all of my classes with my shoulders and back completely straight. Pretty soon I couldn't move my shoulders at all. I had to go to the chiropractor. It turns out that in trying to improve my posture, I misaligned my spine instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 398

You deserved it 6 697

By Jmdezy - 05/04/2016 15:45 - United States

Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 800

You deserved it 24 290

By BriarFace - 29/03/2016 01:56 - United States - Springfield

Today, I put up a sign asking motorcyclists to slow down near horses, as the noise can spook them. While I was riding near the sign, a biker slowed to read it, looked at me, then revved his engine loudly and raced off. My horse bucked me off into some brambles and bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 003

You deserved it 2 199

By sydsophnova - 02/07/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was on the roof of his house. I climbed the ladder but I'm kind of scared of heights, so when I got up there I just sat on the edge. The gutter broke, fell down, and I fell along with it. My boyfriend then said, "I've been trying to tell you to go on a diet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 122

You deserved it 9 491

By Anonymous - 01/10/2012 23:15 - United States - Providence

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 323

You deserved it 2 775

By lebowski101 - 03/11/2011 01:45 - Canada

Today, I was invited to a party to celebrate my ex-fiancée's recent engagement. The party is at work, because my ex is also my boss. Her new fiancée is some guy she met while on a "business trip" that happened while we were still engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 927

You deserved it 3 021

Get it now?

By poopooppachuu - 11/10/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 130

You deserved it 6 132

Half-hearted

By SherryBaby - 29/12/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my cheating ex, asking if I would go out with him tonight. After 3 years of no contact, I decided to give him another chance and gave him my address for his GPS. I was then told that I lived too far and he didn't want to drive. He cancelled. I live 15 minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 874

You deserved it 28 255

By ThaBoss12 - 01/11/2014 22:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw what my mom handed out for trick-or-treaters last night. Toothbrushes. Yup, we're that house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 782

You deserved it 3 534

By Actor - 03/09/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, I joined my school's film-making club so I could get an opportunity to act in the club president's screenplays. It turns out her idea of a tragedy is a creepy, sci-fi version of Romeo and Juliet, with elves, starring her as the perfect Mary Sue style lead character. I can't get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 517

You deserved it 5 227

Cuteness overload

By friend - 29/06/2012 20:48 - Israel - Rishon Le Zion

Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 747

You deserved it 3 684

By Anonymous - 07/10/2015 13:45 - Belgium - Herenthout

Today, I told one of my classmates for the third time that I'm not into guys and wasn't interested in going on a date with him. He just looked at me blankly and said "So I'll pick you up at 9?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 386

You deserved it 2 206

By Anonymous - 24/04/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 842

You deserved it 65 477

By Anonymous - 21/06/2014 15:15 - United States - Boulder

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 935

You deserved it 5 293

By jarkleflob - 16/08/2015 17:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at a quiet restaurant, my stepdad loudly told me he hopes in the future they have "hover caskets" so he doesn't have to carry my "fat ass" to the grave. All because I didn't want a side salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 383

You deserved it 2 346

jarkleflob tells us more.

jarkleflob 13

Monday 17 August 2015 14:41

Thank you all for the support! I would've never thought that this would get published. I first wanted to point out that we were on vacation out of state, very expensive vacation with a very expensive meal. Although that doesn't excuse his remarks/actions, I can see why he was in a bad mood. We had a pretty tense "vacation", there were a lot of people everywhere, foreigners that couldn't speak English, and a lot of things that my parents aren't open minded towards. I constantly have to remind my parents that "there is nothing you can do about it so don't worry about it". The comments you guys left were hilarious and I'm thankful for the ideas you gave - even if it wasn't the most serious.