'Today i decided to quietly masturbate in my room, then 5 minutes...

Content almost refused by staff

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 22:34

'Today i decided to quietly masturbate in my room, then 5 minutes later when i'm nearly done i hear laughter at my door and it's my mother and two brothers standing at the door. FML

agreeclassic 155

vote type 1 35

Back to school
Is that it, have we really enjoyed the holidays? It's time to find the best back-to-school struggles. More…

Previous FML Next FML

TOP COMMENTS

jkjorn 16

Saturday 11 April 2020 18:38

Maybe you should have you hearing tested, you must not be as quiet as you think. Or maybe your mother has the superpower of x-ray hearing.

Comments

jkjorn 16

Saturday 11 April 2020 18:38

Maybe you should have you hearing tested, you must not be as quiet as you think. Or maybe your mother has the superpower of x-ray hearing.

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I was in a rush to meet some friends for brunch, and I arrived first. The restaurant door was locked, so I knocked. A waiter opened the door and stared at me with confusion before saying, “This isn’t the entrance, ma’am.” It wasn’t until I walked around the corner and saw the correct door that I realized I had been standing at the employee entrance the entire time. FML

agreeclassic 129

vote type 1 439

Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML

agreeclassic 2 468

vote type 1 467

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

agreeclassic 3 201

vote type 1 320

Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML

agreeclassic 10 738

vote type 1 1 534

Today, I was using Veet instead of shaving, so that the razor wouldn't cut up my legs. I cut myself with the plastic utensil that you're supposed to use to remove the Veet. FML

agreeclassic 17 411

vote type 1 25 206

Today, my relatively new car locked down, with my keys inside of it, while it was still running. In a panic because it was getting dark and I was already low on fuel, I called a locksmith. He showed up and told me he needed to see some ID before unlocking the car. My ID was in the car. FML

agreeclassic 433

vote type 1 115