Divorce

Great gift

By Meh - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, two days before my birthday, my parents drove three hours to visit me at school and take me out to lunch. I assumed that it was to celebrate my birthday. They told me they are getting divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 468

You deserved it 2 898

The whole kit and caboodle

By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 21:00

Today, I asked my husband for a divorce. He said fine, as long as I got full custody of the kids. I did an actual double take; he didn’t want shared custody, he wanted me to take the kids, no arguments or negotiating, because he doesn’t want the kids anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 573

Alexa, play "Both Sides Now" by Joni Mitchell

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 22:00

Today, one of my best friends and I both got mail. She got her wedding invites to send out; I got my divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 143

In a hurry

By bubbles - 10/06/2022 16:00

Today, my husband got home from a date, since he can't wait for our divorce to go through on account of his cheating. I literally put off medical school for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 189

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 00:00

Today, via a situation too complicated to explain, I accidentally cost my boss almost 50,000, on the same day his wife asked for a divorce and his dog died. I’m almost too scared to tell him how I screwed up, in case it sends him completely off the deep end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 285

Priorities

By Anonymous - 31/07/2023 12:00

Today, my parents announced they're getting a divorce. Now I don't know who's going to do my laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 1 856

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 19:59

Today, having split up with my husband, I tried to plan visitation so he could visit my sons, his stepkids, only to be told he has no intention of visiting kids that aren’t actually his, and that now we’re divorced they're entirely my problem and good riddance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 1 292

Asshat

By Vivi - 14/07/2021 18:01

Today, my soon-to-be-ex-husband decided to bring our four kids over to tell them we were splitting up, and to make them choose who they want to live with, because, "Mommy’s been a nagging bitch." He left out that the "nagging bitch" caught him having an affair the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 301

You deserved it 198

Get out

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 10:00

Today, I’m considering a divorce. My father-in-law has never liked me and is very vocal about that, names like "bastard" and "prick" are common. My wife is normally very headstrong and takes no nonsense, but she lets him treat me this way so she must agree with him. The wedding was only a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 195

Better call Saul

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 07:30

Today, my wife broke the TV during an argument with her mother, but it’s my fault because I "put the TV in such a stupid place" so I should pay for a new one. Anyone know any good divorce lawyers? Stick the number in the comments, I’m so done with her bullshit and her crazy family of assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 156

Family ties

By Anonymous - 22/11/2022 14:00

Today, during divorce proceedings, I decided to have my kids DNA tested. Neither of my kids are mine. My daughter's real father is unknown but my son's DNA identifies him as related to me, but not as my son, so he’s more likely my nephew, meaning his dad is one of my brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 042

You deserved it 155

All too common

By Anonymous - 16/07/2022 10:00

Today, I got divorced. In a 4 minute 40 second phone call with the judge, which ended with him saying, "Congratulations!" I didn't want this. I just didn't see the point in fighting to stay in a marriage that my ex didn't want. Now my underlying depression is worse, and I have to fake it for the sake of our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 156

You deserved it 200

So romantic

By XRP123 - 19/11/2022 02:00

Today, I finished negotiating my divorce with my ex-wife who is a lawyer. I spent more on legal fees than she has made from working in any of the last 5 years. It's hard for a lawyer to make so little in Canada, I'm glad that law degree, which I paid for, saved her so much money in legal fees. I hate all lawyers. Scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 173

By ThisGuy775 - 19/09/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 482

You deserved it 2 994

The end of the road

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 23:04

Today, after my parents treating love like a war, always trying to score some sort of victory over each other, while me and my wife never argued a day in our lives, I’m the one staring down the barrel of divorce, while my parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I just don’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 409

Bullshit reason

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 23:02

Today, my husband wants a divorce. His reason, so he claims, is that he went to see a card reader a few months ago and she told him our relationship would not last. Apparently, our astrological signs or something are not compatible, so he thinks we shouldn't waste our time. We've been married for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 192

Can't win

By yup0308 - 30/04/2021 23:01 - United States - Byron Center

Today, and for almost 6 years, my wife and I have had issues fighting when we’re drunk. I’ve always gotten/accepted the blame. I quit drinking to try and better our marriage. Now she wants a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 142

Bad sitcom levels of incompetence

By Anonymous - 24/10/2023 00:02

Today, in a moment reminiscent of Two and a Half Men, my divorce lawyer screwed me over and gave my soon-to-be-ex-wife 90% of everything. I now need to pay a new lawyer to fix what she screwed up. And yes, she was lashing out at me because my brother had sex with her then never called her back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 149

Breaking news

By ApparentlyEmo - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 442

You deserved it 2 174

He has your…?

By Anonymous - 07/02/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in the middle of my divorce, I got paternity tests for both my sons. God must hate me. My eldest son, a criminal currently in prison who I utterly despise, is my biological son, whereas my youngest, who makes me proud every day to be his father, is not my biological son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 269

Let 'em in

By Anonymous - 05/08/2023 16:00 - Sweden - Västerås

Today, it's been a little while since I found out that my parents are getting a divorce. They'd been married for 25 years and my father got bored and lost feelings. My mother is crying and howling on the bathroom floor right now. It has happened before, but since it was in our upstairs bathroom, I could open the door with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 633

You deserved it 146

Love costs a fortune

By Philip Seth Camps - 22/05/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my now ex-fiancé was still married to her ex throughout the entire relationship. What I didn't realize was that I ended up paying for the divorce, and 3 months later she got married to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 211

You deserved it 176

Don't snoop

By Anonymous - 19/09/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I thought that my husband and I were going to work things out, since we’ve been having sex every night. I snooped into his emails today while he was at work, only to see that he’s started the divorce process without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 314

Thanks, kids

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I told my son and daughter that their father and I were getting a divorce. They each responded with something like, "Yay! I want to live with Daddy! He buys better presents!" Their father has literally never bought anything for them, one of the many reasons I'm divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 277

You deserved it 8 744

Moving on

By Anonymous - 20/01/2024 05:00 - United States - Waunakee

Today, a year after we agreed to a divorce, my wife and I are still married and living together because it's not financially possible for us to split. We get along well enough, but I'm ready to move on. She's already moving on, according to the boyfriend she's been seeing for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 164

Divorced dad energy

By ihatemyex - 23/05/2020 14:00

Today, a woman I’d never met came to my door asking if my kids were ready to go. Obviously I refused to send my kids with a stranger. Apparently she’s my ex's new girlfriend and "has his permission" to come get my kids. Now he’s threatening to take me to court for violating the visitation order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 632

You deserved it 195

By Anonymous - 30/12/2008 04:34 - France

Today, I found out that the coworker I refused to leave my wife for is now happily married with someone else, while I'm now divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 475

You deserved it 31 608

How the other half lives

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 04:00

Today, it's been a year since my divorce. My deadbeat bipolar ex-wife is on her third boyfriend. I'm raising both our kids solo and, despite trying, have not even been able to land a single date since we seperated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 125

No kink shaming

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 08:01 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I found out the real reason for my parents' divorce. Not because they had grown apart as they claimed, but because my dad was sleeping with hookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 92

Controlling

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my soon to be ex-husband and ex-mother in law informed me I couldn't go to the funeral of a really good friend we shared. I went anyway, but I can't imagine how the divorce is going to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 101

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 4 850

You deserved it 395

Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste any time pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 249

You deserved it 3 079

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I agree, your life sucks 1 402

You deserved it 130

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I agree, your life sucks 2 534

You deserved it 327

Today, I complimented a girl on her stockings pattern. Turns out she wasn't wearing stockings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 727

You deserved it 8 617

Today, I finished a website that I have been working on for ages for a friend. He tried to repay me by offering to teach me to play table tennis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 720

You deserved it 4 222