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Bonjour!

By Joshua Sheldon - 19/09/2015 01:56 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, while working alone, I decided to just try some random impressions, and so I ended up doing a French accent when a customer walked in. To avoid embarrassment, I had to continue faking the accent as he struck up a long conversation with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 267

You deserved it 8 584

By LoadingMeows - 23/09/2016 01:17 - United States

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 900

You deserved it 1 925

By ang3l4 - 21/09/2016 05:28 - United States - Redding

Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 534

You deserved it 1 242

Chirping

By anon - 05/09/2016 08:17 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I gained the courage to talk to the guy I have a crush on. In a dying part of the conversation, I panicked and ended up asking him if he was gay. He replied no and seemed offended, so I quickly added, "You just seem a little gay sometimes, in a good way." He took more offense and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 829

You deserved it 11 683

By GumStickExtraGmail - 14/09/2017 17:30 - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 735

You deserved it 633

By Anonymous - 07/08/2010 02:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 111

You deserved it 18 546

Good excuse.

By and somehow you have a master's degree - 07/11/2017 01:30

Today, my faculty mentor for my senior capstone project wasn't at my presentation for the entire department faculty. I assumed his wife or kids were sick, but that piece of shit told me himself that he was at home watching the new season of Stranger Things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 233

You deserved it 359

Maths

By lorena_v - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I screamed at the top of my lungs in the middle of a math test because I saw a spider that wound up being a hairball. My teacher was incredibly sympathetic, taking off only five points for "disrupting our working environment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 464

You deserved it 4 228

We meet again

By laprochainefoisjerestealamaison - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - France - Montpellier

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterwards tried to comfort me by saying there'd been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 018

You deserved it 5 191

Cheers

By imgoingtofreakout - 26/12/2017 19:00

Spicy

Today, my Christmas present from my boyfriend was chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 602

You deserved it 659

Gamers, man…

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 02:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!" He then started singing the Super Mario Brothers theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 881

You deserved it 5 889

Baby Got Back

By backfat - 18/05/2018 01:44

Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 725

You deserved it 1 120

By Emma Eisnor - 18/06/2018 06:14

Today, my boyfriend tried to be nice and change my oil, but he accidentally emptied all my transmission fluid into the pan. When he poured it back into my car, we realized he never put the cap back on and all my transmission fluid was poured all over the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 671

You deserved it 541

Emma Eisnor tells us more.

Emma Eisnor 15

Monday 18 June 2018 2:02

Yay my second FML posted! He was trying to do something nice. I wasn’t really that mad. He drove to the store and bought me more transmission fluid so we were fine. He’s a sweetheart, my oil never got changed though haha.

By Erin - 10/05/2016 02:18 - United States - Springfield

Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 486

You deserved it 1 289

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 05:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went on a second date with a guy who seemed perfect in every way possible. That is until he started mentioned how children are a deal-breaker for him. I had to break it to him that I have a 14 month old daughter. He actually had the balls to ask if I'd ever consider foster care. Seriously, dude? FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 559

You deserved it 2 277

By someone something - 28/08/2018 18:31

Today, I was taking a shower when I seized, tripped over the edge of the tub, and broke my nose by slamming my face in the open toilet. Thank you, epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 850

You deserved it 187

someone something tells us more.

someone something 20

Tuesday 28 August 2018 6:41

I usually do keep a positive attitude because a negative one is just gonna bring you down. But this is the first time I've ever broken anything and I now have to use a shower chair because my parents and neurologist think it's too dangerous for me to stand. Also, someone needs to be in the bathroom so we can talk and make sure I'm not seizing

By RootyTootToot - 31/08/2018 22:00

Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 1 539

By inpain - 17/03/2016 04:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in my self-defense class, we did an attack simulation. As I began to hit my attacker, my fist hit the top of his helmet, dislocating my shoulder. I then spent the next hour in the ER sobbing until it was popped back in. I need to learn to defend myself against myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 919

You deserved it 2 417

By Anonymous - 19/09/2018 22:15

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 949

You deserved it 555

Make it stop

By Anonameow - 26/02/2016 00:31 - United States - Nanticoke

Today, I'm recovering from surgery. Every time I laugh, it hurts so badly I start to cry, which hurts even worse and makes it difficult to breathe. The painkillers I'm on make everything seem funny. I laughed so hard at a dumb pun that I nearly passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 397

You deserved it 1 529

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 01:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 461

You deserved it 4 169

By Angrymom - 22/10/2018 22:00

Today, my teenage son informed me that when he’s too lazy to walk to the bathroom, he uses the kitchen sink as a toilet. I use that sink every day to wash vegetables for my family's dinner. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 146

You deserved it 344

By Embarrassed - 05/11/2018 13:30

Today, at over 9 months pregnant, I woke up to a wet bed. Convinced my water broke, I woke up my husband and had him drive me to the hospital at 3am. The nurse told me my water was fine, I had just peed the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 092

You deserved it 466

Tumble

By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was staying at my friend's house, which is next door. Our houses are the same layout, only mirrored, so tonight when I got out of bed in the dark, I instinctively turned to my left, thinking I was entering the bathroom, and fell down the stairs. Three of my teeth are missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 502

You deserved it 456

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 05:05 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I found out if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around, it does in fact make a sound, and also $5,000 worth of damage to your truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 999

You deserved it 1 599

By Lala - 30/11/2018 12:30 - United Kingdom - Dollar

Today, I built a computer with 8 graphics cards that were really expensive. Yeah, they all blew up except the one that cost half the price of the rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 576

You deserved it 973

Ugly truth

By uglywoman - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my six year-old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said, "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 990

You deserved it 17 694

By lactose intolerant - 28/01/2019 15:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my little sister thought I was making up I’m lactose intolerant, so she swapped my dairy-free milk with regular milk. I’m writing this from the toilet and I’ve been here for at least 20 minutes, with cramps and diarrhoea. She’s also complaining about the foul smell coming from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 839

You deserved it 182

By Anonymous - 05/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 396

You deserved it 1 712

By Anonymous - 11/04/2017 20:00

Today, my apartment was robbed. The police report said my apartment was ransacked. No it wasn't, that's how it looks every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 956

You deserved it 2 393

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Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 018

You deserved it 4 573

Today, I learned that my position will end in the next month. When I asked my boss about it, she told me I would have to reapply for the job to keep it. I have to pass another interview test for the job I've been working for the past 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 169

You deserved it 281

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 525

You deserved it 5 362

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said, "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 249

You deserved it 27 891

Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 346

You deserved it 11 514

Today, my husband and I were starting to get freaky. He was rubbing himself on my lady parts and I looked over to my side where my dog was intensely following my man’s junk with her eyes. I laughed so hard I farted, peed myself, and broke a cup in under 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 542