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Creepypasta

By running scared - 08/04/2016 09:40 - Norway

Today, I found out that my violent ex has moved to my country for the sole purpose of tracking me down. I know this because my former boss called and told me she gave him my address. She loves the idea of us getting back together because, "You're such a cute couple!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 692

You deserved it 1 827

By Anonymous - 01/09/2018 18:30

Today, I spent $50 buying flea bombs so not only my dogs, but my son could relax a little in my home instead of fighting off those tiny little circus bastards. Today, I got in my car and the fleas attacked me mercilessly until I got to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 675

You deserved it 437

Health goals

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in an attempt to be more healthy, I made myself a large fruit smoothie. I didn't think it could or would cause me to practically shart my rectum out my ass for the rest of the afternoon. The more you know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 618

You deserved it 2 919

Lawyer up

By gnofin - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 942

You deserved it 3 181

By bdw89 - 29/12/2016 18:42 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 345

You deserved it 1 042

By Depressed and clueless - 24/10/2018 15:00 - United States - Manhattan

Today, after months of being told I'm just being paranoid, my hallmates admitted and proved that there really is a dorm-wide conspiracy to socially isolate me. I don’t know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 602

You deserved it 207

By Electro - 11/02/2016 21:51 - United States - Nashua

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 237

You deserved it 7 294

Better out than in

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 05:00

Today, my daughter told me her tummy hurt, but I assumed she was lying because she hates visiting grandma. About 20 minutes into the car ride, she got excited and said, "Mum my tummy doesn’t hurt anymore!" About 10 seconds later, the smell filled the car right up to the roof. It was diarrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 3 777

WTF?

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 05:00

Today, I was denied an animal adoption because I said "babies" instead of "kittens". Apparently that means I'm not serious about pet ownership. What?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 076

You deserved it 413

Priority number one

By soooyeah - 30/04/2009 12:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 043

You deserved it 18 558

By MamaMia - 25/11/2018 15:30

Today, I realized it isn’t my 5 month-old son who has the issue sleeping without me, it's me who can't sleep without him. This is his first night in his crib and I can’t fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 650

You deserved it 666

An Inconvenient Thief

By Satver7 - 10/03/2017 22:00

Today, after meeting a girl for the first time and having sex with her, I found not only my wallet missing but also the 128 GB pen drive that had my project I've been working on for 6 months on it. I have to give the presentation in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 235

You deserved it 4 608

By AR Good - 26/03/2019 11:00 - United States - Hawthorne

Today, my husband is pissed off, withholding affection, and not speaking to me. Why? I don't want to have sex with random men while he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 090

You deserved it 242

The more you know

By facepalm - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother called me a clueless idiot after I told him that odometers measure distance traveled, not a person's body odor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 379

You deserved it 1 913

By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 05:13 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 187

You deserved it 7 298

WTF?

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 02:02 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital for a scan. The tech went wide-eyed and stared at his screen in horror before realizing I could see him. He wouldn't tell me what he saw, apparently only my doctor is allowed to do that. So now I have to wait for god knows how long to get my results back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 098

You deserved it 1 695

By Tom - 06/06/2017 11:00 - United States - Antelope

Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 520

You deserved it 464

By notanazigrandchildafterall - 21/09/2015 11:32 - Germany - Leipzig

Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 816

You deserved it 1 748

By WTF - 12/09/2015 00:54 - Australia

Today, I found a folder on my boyfriend's computer called "Facebook". It turned out to be a collection of thousands of photos from his female friends' accounts. It was all sorted into folders like "Big Tits", "Blonde", "Cameltoe", "Feet", and "Jailbait". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 385

You deserved it 2 891

By Anonymous - 27/07/2019 16:00

Today, my youngest of four children turned 18. It was also the same day that my ex-wife called to tell me that after 18 years of paying child support, I wasn't the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 818

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 08/10/2016 13:20 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, a classmate found out I have a boyfriend. He said, "Really? YOU??" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 970

You deserved it 1 833

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 501

You deserved it 49 741

Panic!

By sweetdreams - 18/09/2016 06:39 - United States - New York

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 799

You deserved it 1 418

By GumStickExtraGmail - 14/09/2017 17:30 - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 735

You deserved it 633

By FriendlessLoser - 17/08/2016 07:11 - United States - Bristow

Today, it's again one of many times my mom dropped me off at the mall to hang out with friends. Since I have no friends, I shop by myself and always tell her I had "so much fun". FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 694

You deserved it 2 740

Great idea for a prank

By Lordy - 03/08/2016 11:33 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I went to work to find a picture on my desk of me with my buttcrack showing put there by an anonymous person. FM

I agree, your life sucks 13 663

You deserved it 2 469

By Sarcasmo - 12/07/2016 20:04 - United States - Madison

Today, I'm so broke that I had to get a refund for my unopened hummus, just so I'd be able to afford the bus fare to get to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 879

You deserved it 1 304

By ShouldHaveDoneItMyself - 05/07/2016 17:04 - Sudan

Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "Fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 131

You deserved it 12 455

Submission

By Anonymous - 24/11/2019 18:00 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontaneous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 534

You deserved it 1 932

By staciefacecat - 14/06/2016 01:03

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 103

You deserved it 1 545

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 864

You deserved it 6 625

Today, I had my very first interview and pretty much got hired right away. Then I found out I have to drive 2 hours away for training. I don't have a car, license, or money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 846

You deserved it 601

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 291

You deserved it 261

Today, I kissed my husband and said, "I love you." That's when our 5 year-old son said to my husband, "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 738

You deserved it 4 188

Today, I sent a risky text to my crush and immediately put my phone on airplane mode so I wouldn’t spend the next hour anticipating and responding to his reply. I forgot I did this and spent the whole day thinking he was ignoring me, but when I switched it back on, I'd not received a single message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 498

Today, I thought I'd finally finished the special project my boss gave me of changing the eligibility details on several hundred loans. My coworker later pointed out that the document was the same as it had been hours before, and that the changes I made hadn't saved at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 498

You deserved it 7 461