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No uncertain terms

By Andreww - 30/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I got broken up with yet again by my on-and-off ex-girlfriend. I had ended things with an amazing girl I was seeing just to go back to my ex. She'd made it clear that if things went wrong with my ex, I wasn't allowed to pursue her again. I tried to hit her up again anyway, but she told me to “take a short walk off a pier.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 1 489

Unfortunate boner

By Man - 02/07/2025 06:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I was at a party, and a cute girl in a skirt sat on my lap. We were flirting and I unfortunately got hard. She then stood up and yelled, "Are you getting hard? EW!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 150

Fartmageddon

By dusty bean - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I held in an explosive fart during a co-worker's rant and waited a few seconds after he left the room to release the Kraken. Forgetting something, he returned mid-fart. Before either of us could say anything, our boss came into the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 999

You deserved it 692

USA! USA! USA!

By Not like that - 19/06/2025 21:00 - United States - New York

Today, I called the cops on the house next to me, since they constantly make tons of noise and throw trash in my yard. Turns out they're all undocumented migrants, and now three families with little kids are getting deported. I feel like scum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 319

Surveillance state

By Anonymous - 18/07/2025 09:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 1 102

Dethroned short King

By Anonymous - 25/10/2025 00:00

Today, I was on a first date. I asked her what she brought to the table since I’m a pretty well established guy. A voice in the booth behind me yelled out, “How bout a booster seat, Smurf!” Everyone laughed so hard I got up and left. I’m 5ft3 and bitches always make it about my height. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 959

Slipped up

By Nicko - 28/03/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend that my ex is pregnant, but not to worry because it’s not mine. That’s how I inadvertently told her I’ve been cheating on her with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 1 344

High school drama!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 05:00 - United States - Lawton

Today, I dumped my boyfriend before school for not putting enough effort into this relationship. He said okay, and then HE WAS WALKING WITH A WHOLE NEW GIRL AT SCHOOL. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 649

Check, please!

By No second date - 13/07/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a fun, attractive girl. She ordered off the kid's menu, drowned her food in ketchup, and said my burger with blue cheese and bacon was disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 170

Superhero stuff

By jfc - 18/08/2025 00:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I bumped into the bitchy mean girl who bullied me mercilessly throughout high school, leaving deep emotional scars. When I told my boyfriend who she was, he picked her up, carried her out of the store, and threw her into a puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 233

Level playing field

By Ughhh - 19/08/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband got upset that I'm not willing to explore weird kinks with him. I had a wild phase when I was younger, and he didn't, so he thinks it's unfair that I got to experiment and he didn't. Sorry you don't know what you like, but I'm not your sex toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 710

Run for the hills

By Ih8meself - 10/11/2025 03:00

Today, my fiance told me that if I don’t “get on Ozempic or some shit” by our honeymoon, he won’t consummate the marriage. Half an hour later he told me to make some breakfast because he was hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 146

Nil - nil

By Anonymous - 08/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I got into an online debate about reproductive rights, healthcare, gun laws, and education in the US, all in one thread. Someone told me, “This is the greatest country in the world.” I asked, “Based on what?” He blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 298

Miserable bastard

By Jane - 29/06/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I called my husband when his shift at work ended to talk about what we needed to do this weekend. He got angry and asked if he could have "five goddamn minutes" after work to get home and change before I started "throwing the fucking to do list at me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 571

Fresh and picky

By Anonymous - 04/09/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was excited to go to my new girlfriend’s house for dinner. To my horror, everything was out of a box or a can; Hamburger Helper, canned vegetables, boxed mashed potatoes. When I said I was hoping for something fresher, she just stared at me and asked if i know how expensive groceries are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 987

Bothered

By Disgusted - 04/11/2025 22:00

Today, my little sister brought home her new boyfriend. He has an impressive job and is very charming and attractive. Apparently I'm the only one slightly bothered by the fact that he's 35 and she's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 135

You must be joking

By Harrold - 28/11/2025 00:00

Today, my new wife and I got home from our honeymoon, and not an hour later she'd sat me down for a talk, saying, "Now that you're married you've got to act the part and give up this silly nonsense," then banned me from seeing my friends, playing video games, and basically everything else I ever enjoyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 136

Let him have his fun

By Anonymous - 02/01/2026 12:00

Today, my boyfriend ignored my multiple texts for almost five hours. I was panicking and about to call the police when he finally replied, saying he was building a snow igloo. Am I dating a third grader? FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 905

Pet peeve

By MY CHIPS - 14/04/2025 07:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 107

Gotcha good

By Anonymous - 08/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 179

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 10/11/2025 09:00

Today, my husband keeps falling sick or imagining that he's sick. We started the year with flu, then back pain, then a sprain, then a ligament tear, and now a bacterial infection. On the days he's not sick, he has zero interest in physical intimacy, scared that he'll catch an STD. We're a married monogamous couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 99

Not sponsored by Klondike bars (but feel free to send us some)

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 09:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I realised that on top of my gluten intolerance, garlic intolerance, and just the general having to poop way too much in 12 hours, apparently my system does not like ice cream anymore. I get diarrhea after eating any amount. And I love Klondike bars! FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 94

Woo woo

By Dumb fuck - 04/01/2026 12:00

Today, my husband bought a new pillow made of "organic cotton and wool." It cost almost two hundred dollars. He could have bought a dozen regular pillows for that kind of money, "but they're not natural fibers, they're full of unhealthy chemicals." I'm so sick of his woo-woo bullshit. IT'S A FUCKING PILLOW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 450

Come on, man

By Anonymous - 06/03/2026 00:00

Today, my parents said that we're never going to see our grandparents again because my grandpa hit my asshole little brother with a belt for calling him a boomer. I love my grandparents so much but my parents won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 239

Never joke around with the Hacky Sacks

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my husband is refusing any kind of sex with me. Last week, as a prank, I slapped his ballsack during foreplay, not hard at all. Now he says he "can't trust me" near his junk, the big baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 764

Freeloader

By Anonymous - 23/10/2025 22:00

Today, my boyfriend said he OD’d twice because of me, got sober because of me, and is done “trying.” I bought him a car yesterday and he hasn’t paid rent or bills in almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 503

Grandma knows best

By Anonymous - 08/11/2025 20:00

Today, I’m beyond pissed off and downright repulsed that my daughter is still in her stupid rebellious phase. it's bad enough that she does shit herself but now she’s involving our grandchildren. She showed up to our annual gathering and my 10 year-old granddaughter had bright purple dyed hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136

You deserved it 867

Accept it

By Anonymous - 21/05/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother refuses to acknowledge that I’m married because instead of a church, we got married outdoors in a lovely pagan ceremony (with a real marriage licence from the city council, obviously) and she keeps trying to introduce me to nice, single men from church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 131

Help out or get out

By ToxicFamily - 20/06/2025 22:00 - Germany

Today, I had an very long day at work. I also had to take my daughter to the dentist and ballet class. Later, my 3 year-old son was having a diarrhoea, needing care, yet I pulled myself up, cooked, fed, read, cleaned the whole house except the kids' bedroom. My brother-in-law came, looked only at that and judged me horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 78

Twitter (currently X)

By MF - 21/12/2025 12:00

Today, because now Twitter shows the "For you" section automatically, the first thing I saw was some guy saying childless women are useless and pathetic. I wanted kids but had a hysterectomy because I was developing cancer. Seeing that brought back the pain and made me feel like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 114

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I got tons of sympathy (and hugs) from my co-workers after intense sneezing and coughing due to my "seasonal allergies." When I got home, my SO asked if allergies are contagious, because he had them too. He didn't have allergies. We have Covid. And so do most of my co-workers now. I suck! FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 1 082

Today, I got the dress I gave to a tailor to replace a broken zipper back. When I tried it on, I discovered that they’d cut at least 4 inches of fabric, and being skinny, there’s no way I can ever fit into it. It’s from the 1950’s, inherited from my late grandma, who in turn inherited it from her aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 112

Today I’d been saving a weed cigarette, which is legal where we live, until my parents went on holiday. I had just sparked up when they came back home after dad forgot his passport. The lecture I had to endure went on for so long, I think I’d have preferred an old-fashioned beating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 605

Today, I was friendzoned by my boyfriend due to the fact that we never fight. Apparently, if there's no fighting, there's no passion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 200

Today, I’m walking around the streets with my stuff in a rolling suitcase. My mom saw fit to kick me out of the house because she found sextoys in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 246

Today, my parents heard me leaving my room at 2 am, and freaked out because they thought I was sneaking out. I was too embarrassed to tell them that I was getting food instead of having a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 223

You deserved it 23 211