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By schoolsucks - 10/03/2015 14:45 - United States - Aurora

Today, the principal of the school I teach at told me she's not interested in re-hiring me because sometimes I wear a hoodie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 551

You deserved it 6 300

TeachAllTheMath tells us more.

TeachAllTheMath 19

Saturday 4 November 2017 10:17

OP here, two years later I am still working at the same school (in my beloved hoodies). The principal that told me this was not renewed for the following year, so luckily our head of school valued competent teachers over well dressed ones. I work at a charter school who encourages teachers to dress comfortably so we can go outside to play soccer, or get on the floor to do small groups, and I was in “dress code” according to the crew handbook, the principal was just a snob.

By Anonymous - 25/11/2012 02:35 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 766

You deserved it 2 196

Protip

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, my father pulled me aside as I was heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said, "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your shorts pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 425

You deserved it 73 632

By Cano951 - 16/12/2011 20:16 - United States

Today, I was bitched out by a pizza delivery man. I didn't have the cash to pay him for a pizza I didn't even order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 413

You deserved it 2 611

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that said "Dude, I think she knows I'm going to break up with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 474

You deserved it 2 785

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 20:22 - United States

Today, I returned to work after celebrating the New Year in Mexico. I wasn't feeling well, but didn't want to call in sick after already taking a vacation. Now I'm at work with diarrhea, and trotting to the bathroom every 30 minutes. My commute home usually takes around an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 489

You deserved it 5 814

Dodged a bullet

By CC. - 11/10/2011 14:51 - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 914

You deserved it 25 078

By fetch boy.. - 05/08/2013 05:28 - United States - Bellmore

Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 542

You deserved it 18 332

By ktiskool - 01/08/2013 04:03 - United States - Imperial

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 456

You deserved it 4 156

Thunder stealer

By Happyunlucky - 20/07/2013 06:31 - United States - Andover

Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 029

You deserved it 3 369

What the…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - San Marcos

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 516

You deserved it 5 329

Toniiiiight, I'm a rock n roll staaaaaar

By NotKeithRichards - 06/09/2011 12:07 - United States

Today, while playing a gig with my band, I tried pulling the classic "playing the guitar with one foot on the monitor" rock-star pose. However, I misjudged the height of the monitor, didn't notice the puddle of beer in front of it, slipped, and fell off the stage into the security guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 274

You deserved it 28 696

By JJAnd - 28/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 283

You deserved it 48 102

By sleepy momma - 02/06/2013 06:06 - United States - Altoona

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 859

You deserved it 6 525

By noooo - 08/08/2011 07:10 - United States

Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him, horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 045

You deserved it 2 712

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 01:47 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, the 3 girls who have continuously bullied me for the past 3 years gave a class presentation on why bullying is so terrible. Judging from our teacher's comments, they're going to get top marks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 618

You deserved it 1 759

By Amy - 10/05/2012 19:14 - Canada - Prince George

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 056

You deserved it 5 245

By ash - 13/06/2011 03:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 494

You deserved it 7 041

By BabyButt - 09/04/2014 17:50 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend to our local park, and I playfully climbed into one of the baby swings. I planned on having him push me, not getting stuck and having to be cut free from the seat while he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 628

You deserved it 41 620

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I finally realized that the only time my mother talks to me is when she needs money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 441

You deserved it 3 215

By Raaar - 26/08/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 504

You deserved it 17 683

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 18/04/2015 16:45 - United States - Oakland

Today, I went to the dentist for the first time in years. His first comment upon inspecting my teeth: "Meth. Hell of a drug." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 040

You deserved it 11 611

By gooddaydude - 04/04/2015 19:32 - United States - Omaha

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 407

You deserved it 4 310

By misc - 08/02/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 515

You deserved it 51 245

By francesa_loca - 14/10/2011 16:09 - Canada

Today, my father started drinking a little early. At some point, he got hungry and decided to boil eggs. He started a dozen, drank some more, and passed out on the couch. When I came home, all the water had boiled off and the eggs had exploded all over the kitchen. I'm still cleaning up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 987

You deserved it 2 530

By steak through the heart - 18/11/2014 18:57 - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 097

You deserved it 4 131

It's probably for the best

By Serire - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 594

You deserved it 5 319

By Pokerking98 - 16/05/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, while biking, I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 283

You deserved it 56 763

I just can't hide it

By doomeddaddy - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 530

You deserved it 3 316

By oh_lordy_me - 24/09/2015 17:53 - United States - Chicago

Today, my cat still loves me too much. He schedules his dumps for when I'm doing my makeup in the bathroom so he can stay with me. I either have to suffer the noxious odor or be late for work. This is a daily thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 039

You deserved it 3 318

oh_lordy_me tells us more.

oh_lordy_me 18

Saturday 26 September 2015 3:39

OP here! I would love to move his litter box but in a one bedroom apartment it's pretty useless, unless I want the smell in the bedroom or living room/kitchen! As for shutting the door, I probably should! Took me a little while to realize what he was doing, since this is a recent habit of his. The little turd (pun intended) used to chill with me as I was getting ready and him meowing outside of the door is annoying as hell. But, yeah, all in all, I vacate the premises for a few minutes, light a candle and all is good :)