Sex, Wanker Intimacy WTF dude?

WTF dude?

lunarstrain - 08/11/2011 06:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Holes

Anonymous - 26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

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Juiced - 26/09/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

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That's that, then

Anonymous - 12/09/2020 08:02

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

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Anonymous - 15/02/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

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What the…

bunny - 16/08/2009 13:58 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML

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Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

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Patricia - 01/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML

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Hard to believe

- 02/01/2020 18:00

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

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jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

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GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

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alexm501 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:05

Hopefully it wasn't a banana

KennKenn 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 12:04

At least it wasn't apple pie.

mea_iloveskiing 26

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:13

Banana in his ass :D

texas_redneck88 10

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:18

Readin' this FML, that scene from "Good Luck Chuck" pops in my head LMFAO

Jimboom 11

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:19

Melons or peach's perhaps? ;-)

Jimboom 11

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:22

Was he trying and failing or getting there? Next time tell him to put the watermelon in the microwave.. just not for too long.

FYLDeep 25

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:24

Anal sex?

misszjen 7

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:30

I bet it was a Papaya, wasn't it?! ;)

baygirl564 9

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:38

At least it wasn't another girl

laceyanneman 7

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:45

This is off topic but could a guy enjoy masturbating with a donut? One with a whole ofcourse

DjeePee 24

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:47

Dunno, but I'm pretty sure the donut wouldn't enjoy it.

FYLDeep 25

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:52

I don't have to ********** to enjoy a donut...

laceyanneman 7

Tuesday 8 November 2011 14:35

Haha^ Hole not whole.it would probably be way sticky

justcallmebro 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 18:02

That's a good question

justanotherhuman 21

Wednesday 9 November 2011 4:25

I'm going to go with "anything that feels like a ****** is easily a viable substitute" in regards to masturbation involving... objects.

FroHo 8

Wednesday 9 November 2011 5:22

Haven't you heard? Donuts are bad for you.

APatt15 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:45

Maybe you should give it up..

GiggityGiggles 0

Tuesday 8 November 2011 13:54

See what happens when you don't fulfill his needs!.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML

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Today, I got an email from the Law School Admissions Council saying that they received my request for my LSAT cancellation and they are confirming that it has been cancelled. The email also said the score will not be reinstated for any reason. I never requested for my score to be cancelled. FML

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Today, I was in class and I smelled what I thought was month-old trash coming from a student in front of me. I politely ignored the smell, only to realize a few hours later that the persistent smell wasn't coming from every student in my university, but was from my shoes. FML

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Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

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Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML

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Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML

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