Sex, Awkward, Ableism Intimacy Stop, just stop - FML

Stop, just stop

Girl123999 - 04/03/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Slip up

ooops - 04/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

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Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

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Curious

Ghostrui - 15/05/2022 04:00

Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML

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maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

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Anonymous - 09/06/2009 08:14 - United States

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

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Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

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Told_You_So - 09/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

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Oh hell no

Anonymous - 27/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was in the "getting to know you" phase of dating a guy I recently met. We were talking about our families and I mentioned my dad died when I was young. He blurted out, “So, we get to have some of that kinky daddy issue sex then, huh?” I’m not sure if he was joking or not but still… FML

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Fight ****

Anonymous - 11/07/2022 10:00

Today, I heard my step-dad hitting my mom, and her begging him to stop, so I grabbed my cricket bat, ran in, and almost brained him. Luckily I stopped in time, because they were both naked having sex. Apparently my mom likes extreme spanking. Eww. FML

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The moment when…

wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

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ObellaO 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:36

Quite honestly I appreciate the twisted humor =-)

thecheshirecat_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:48

your dad is kind of awesome =P

oh_dear34 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 19:43

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA. wow. your parents sound hilarious!!! I'm with #50. Does he take his leg off?

Lou_Briccant 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 20:16

Hahahaha, that's ******* hilarious. I love ball-breaking parents. They have the best sense of humour.

sandy_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 20:50

Oh, man, your dad is hillarious. Screw "pc", that shit is funny.

jim_witness 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 21:04

Say, "No Dad but it's useful in other ways..." Watch jaw drop.

starstrukk 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 21:43

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW omg omg omg parents can be wayyyyy too creepy =/

starstrukk 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 21:45

btw jim_witness bahahhahahahaaa

sillysleepyhead 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 21:46

OH my ****. hahahah. kinda inapropriate, but their humor amuses me! That is definately something my parents would say!

kevinsadrummer4 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 21:49

they sound cool, but do they really want to know how he is boning their daughter, at least they didn't ask if he had a leg up on the competition.

White_Oreo 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 22:44

Epic WIN

juliee166 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 23:13

aahhahahahhahhahahahah thats hilarious

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I realized that in some of my early relationships the girls were so possessive and pushed for merger and marriage that they scared me, so now I can only be reliably attracted to women who don't want me. The slightest sign of interest in more than a fling and I'm out. It's been like this for 30 years. FML

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Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

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Today, I was arguing with my girlfriend when my dog brought me a squeaky toy and tried shoving it into my hand so I could throw it for him. Out of habit, I grabbed it, but then it squeaked every time I tried to make a serious point. FML

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Today, I woke up for the first time In 5 days with relief from a debilitating migraine, only to have my arm and shoulder completely numb and a sharp pain running from my neck to my elbow. I have a pinched nerve and dislocated disk in my neck. FML

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