Sex, Awkward, Ableism Intimacy Stop, just stop - FML

Stop, just stop

Girl123999 - 04/03/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Slip up

ooops - 04/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

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Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

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Curious

Ghostrui - 15/05/2022 04:00

Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML

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maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

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Anonymous - 09/06/2009 08:14 - United States

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

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Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

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Told_You_So - 09/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

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Oh hell no

Anonymous - 27/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was in the "getting to know you" phase of dating a guy I recently met. We were talking about our families and I mentioned my dad died when I was young. He blurted out, “So, we get to have some of that kinky daddy issue sex then, huh?” I’m not sure if he was joking or not but still… FML

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Fight ****

Anonymous - 11/07/2022 10:00

Today, I heard my step-dad hitting my mom, and her begging him to stop, so I grabbed my cricket bat, ran in, and almost brained him. Luckily I stopped in time, because they were both naked having sex. Apparently my mom likes extreme spanking. Eww. FML

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The moment when…

wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

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ObellaO 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:36

Quite honestly I appreciate the twisted humor =-)

thecheshirecat_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:48

your dad is kind of awesome =P

blahblahblah44 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 0:19

hahaha that's pretty funny.

ApolloIce 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 1:36

I love your parents. It's awkward now but years later your kids will laugh at your expense.

aliii_ 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 1:50

whoaaah soounds like something my parents would saaay. thatsss funnny thoughh.

surferhottie23 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 3:47

ooooooooooh woowowowowwww awk rents i believe!!!!

citylights 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 6:05

hahahahah your 'rents sound hilarious.

karlsjr 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 8:21

lol...so...what's the answer...lol!

DelSDelT 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 8:52

Bwahahahahahaha! I ****** love your parents!

alotta_fachina 0

Saturday 7 March 2009 12:29

hahahahaha your parents are awesome.

mzmaverickd 7

Saturday 7 March 2009 19:52

Your parents are disgusting. I feel for you truly

soozin 0

Sunday 8 March 2009 2:57

Lmao. From another persons POV, this is pretty darn funny. but man, life's tough for you

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

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Today, I got stuck in an elevator with my boss and two other coworkers. To lighten the mood, I tried telling a joke. I forgot the punchline halfway through and ended up awkwardly trailing off. We still had 20 minutes to go before maintenance rescued us. FML

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Today, I hate the job I am in and just want a minimum wage to live through. My dad gave away millions because it's "his money" and I need to put up with entitled male chauvinistic idiots at work. I would only need a fraction of the amount he donated to live peacefully for the entirety of my life. FML

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Today, I was hypnotized and talked into telling everyone truths about myself at a show my family and I went to. I don't know what I said. All I know is that my family laughs whenever I'm near them. They won't tell me what happened. FML

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Today, we're right now at the hospital because my sister had a miscarriage. Last night I announced on Instagram that I was going to be aunt. FML

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Today, my mother accused me of "cooking cocaine", after she found a slightly discoloured spoon in my room. FML

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