Sex, Awkward, Ableism Intimacy Stop, just stop - FML

Stop, just stop

Girl123999 - 04/03/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he spank you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

266 329

35 538

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Slip up

ooops - 04/08/2012 16:06 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

25 652

7 312

Anonymous - 16/09/2014 16:18 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

43 391

4 057

Curious

Ghostrui - 15/05/2022 04:00

Today, my dad thought it appropriate to ask if my boyfriend, who was in the other room, was circumcised. FML

1 079

177

maddie - 27/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

37 922

4 995

Anonymous - 09/06/2009 08:14 - United States

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

85 894

5 752

Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

69 158

7 246

Told_You_So - 09/07/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

66 112

5 090

Oh hell no

Anonymous - 27/07/2024 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was in the "getting to know you" phase of dating a guy I recently met. We were talking about our families and I mentioned my dad died when I was young. He blurted out, “So, we get to have some of that kinky daddy issue sex then, huh?” I’m not sure if he was joking or not but still… FML

608

131

Fight ****

Anonymous - 11/07/2022 10:00

Today, I heard my step-dad hitting my mom, and her begging him to stop, so I grabbed my cricket bat, ran in, and almost brained him. Luckily I stopped in time, because they were both naked having sex. Apparently my mom likes extreme spanking. Eww. FML

1 549

307

The moment when…

wastedlove - 23/06/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML

28 125

74 116

ObellaO 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:36

Quite honestly I appreciate the twisted humor =-)

thecheshirecat_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 9:48

your dad is kind of awesome =P

Mr_Serious 6

Thursday 5 March 2009 16:15

your father is a god among men, but in all seriousness... does he beat you with it when you're naughty lol

DamUrLyfeSukz 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 16:20

ur parents are way too involved in ya sex lyfe...smh not cool

greenman_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 16:23

they like it when you tickle their stumps. trust me

gettingowned 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 16:31

well does he beat you with it?

HomeBurger 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 16:32

Well, does he?

ksockman152 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 16:36

that has to be the most typical father response ever. and its funny as hell too

therocket_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 17:03

HHAHHAHHHA Thanks for the laugh.

thebaroness1984 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 17:08

I would've LMAO! Your parents are cool. I think that the guy would've too, had he been there.

cheeze_fml 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 17:09

Ah c'mon. This isn't a FML unless he was in the room and was sensitive about his disability. Lighten up.

spartanjake5 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 17:09

hahahha

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, on my way to a job interview, I saw a dog running down the road so I stopped to pet it. It was a wolf. FML

762

564

Today, I finally stood up to a bully who had been messing with me for over a year. His response? He picked up the chair I was sitting in and threw me across the room. FML

40 219

4 182

Today, my husband got angry and stormed out of the house because he claims I wasn't pressing the buttons he told me to while playing Pokemon. FML

22 877

4 504

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

43 670

14 309

Today, I found out that my friends from high school have yearly meet-ups to catch up and talk about what they've done since school. They've done this for 3 years. I havent even been invited once. FML

9 335

903

Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML

27 060

2 438