Intimacy Kids Oh no.

Oh no.

Anonymous - 07/01/2018 01:30

Today, while cleaning out my daughter's closet, I found my missing dildo. It's a mold of my husband's penis. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Ask first, snoop later

Jenna Berreth - 07/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

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Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

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Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

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myself - 20/09/2012 07:00 - United States - Seaside

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

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Heather - 26/06/2012 17:13 - United States - Newport News

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

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The Three Bears Conundrum

Madison43097 - 24/09/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

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May be

- 29/02/2020 20:00

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

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You really shouldn't have

BB_Skylar - 11/10/2025 20:00

Today, I found that my (well-meaning and very kind) Dad cleaned up under my bed after a little mold problem. The problem? He cleaned up a few empty THC gummy containers and saw my dildo. And I thought living at home at uni was a good idea… FML

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Old prude

Anonymous - 25/09/2023 22:00

Today, my dumbass self left my DIY dildo on the sink and my mom found it and threw it away. She called me a whore, who'll be "fucking around with a new partner each night." FML

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ohEw - 09/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML

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Stacey LM Parks_848050989 7

Sunday 7 January 2018 2:09

Just maybe keep that little secret in the closet.

ffc Squall 14

Sunday 7 January 2018 2:42

Burn it. Cast it into the fires of Mordor. Open up a portal to an unknown unknowable dimension and just get rid of it.

Paul Wilson 6

Friday 19 January 2018 7:18

Honestly most dicks are the same.

T1A2Z3 34

Tuesday 3 July 2018 13:00

Not true

Lee Elliott 4

Wednesday 24 January 2018 21:09

tbh, honestly more concerned if she used it without washing. or used it knowing you had, really.

thumb.twiddle 6

Sunday 18 February 2018 1:16

OOOHHHHHH NNNNNOOOOOOO

Envy22 32

Friday 19 October 2018 5:11

If she only knew, lol.

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I found out about my co-workers' new game. Whoever talks to me first loses. FML

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Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML

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Today, while I was at my aunt's house with family, my grandpa needed to use the bathroom, so I guided him to it. There's a short staircase leading to it, and to my horror, he tumbled down it. I forgot he's going blind due to glaucoma and therefore couldn't see the steps. FML

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Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her Snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face, then tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

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Today, my sister asked to use my blow dryer, so I gave her the keys to my apartment. When I came home from work, half my clothes were missing. FML

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Today, my wife and mother of my kids said she doesn't want sex. Or a divorce. FML

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