Sex, Awkward Intimacy Lingo

Lingo

Ethan - 09/03/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I'd got her. She replied, "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

JJ_V3N0M - 03/01/2015 10:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML

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Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

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clayton - 28/07/2012 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

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Terrible exchange rate

I_Lossed - - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

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Chrissy - 08/02/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex-girlfriend. FML

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Mazzam - 19/11/2008 11:33 - France

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML

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Charming

Anonymous - 18/05/2009 16:46 - Egypt

Today, the man I was going on a dinner date with bought me an expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend came and sat with us. Somehow, the subject of getting it on came up. My date then said, "Expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants." FML

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Delayed proposal

Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

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flyakite29 - 20/07/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came home and announced that she'd just bought a $40 pair of flipflops. She then declared that I wouldn't be getting a birthday gift this year due to budget shortfalls. For hers a month prior, I'd got her a $300 piece of jewelry. FML

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Old dog, new tricks

Anonymous - 25/07/2024 00:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, for my mom's birthday, I couldn't figure out what to get her, so I just took some of her jewelry, wrapped it up, and re-gifted it. She recognized it instantly. FML

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hardcore_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:21

Why would she know what you meant? Let's go through the conversation. What did you get me for my birthday? I'm going to shoot my load on your neck/chest. Now gauge the excitement upon hearing this news and discover that you're a douche. lol.

Heidi_fml 0

Monday 9 March 2009 20:01

Um... why would she appreciate YOUR meaning as a birthday gift? Disgusting.

choppedNskrewed 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 18:32

lol!! wow. I'm going to say you definitely deserved that, but only because of context. If it was your birthday, and someone said they were going to give you a Pearl Necklace, you'd probably think it was a real necklace, because you would be expecting a gift on your birthday. However, any other day of the year I'm sure she would have gotten your true meaning ;) But anyway, I'm sure that was fun to clear up "Honey, where's my pearl necklace?" "Uh...well......about that..." FYL if the dad knew what you meant though!

Zic_fml 7

Tuesday 10 March 2009 22:38

Lol, epic. N/c!!

sonnyrae 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:15

As a girl, I personally think it's pretty funny, but then again, I have a sense of humor.

bobo22_fml 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:33

innocense is sooo beautiful aint it?

laxxer03 0

Tuesday 10 March 2009 23:59

dude you're a fucken douche have some respect im sure a girl doesnt want want cum all over her neck, i wouldnt..oh and go buy her the pearl necklace or you're screwed

yup_thats_life 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 0:15

lmaoooo this just made my day

laylalove 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 1:13

LIAR.

Xaos 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 2:12

Haha, she probably did know what it meant. And now has had both. :p

babex21 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 2:16

hahahahhahah 0jeez (;

Xaos 0

Wednesday 11 March 2009 2:16

Also, some people on FML are uptight when it comes to sexual behaviour... lighten the **** up, you'd find out you actually DO like a lot of the stuff you're now condemning if you'd only give it a try.